[Fang loosened her hand in her Bonded's grip only to loosely, blindly twine their fingers together.]
I haven't seen Light look and act like that in a thousand years, [she said softly, a different kind of worry bubbling up and joining with the existing ones.] She's still Branded a l'Cie.
[Fang thought she'd told Chariot enough to frame that as a bad thing.]
... [ She definitely had. And that helped focus her in that moment as keenly as a sword itself, pulling herself in closer even as Fang's grip loosened. ]
A different time entirely... [ A thousand years was also a bit alarming, but Fang had told her something that suggested that possibility before, at least... ]
[Feeling Chariot shift closer, Fang leaned her head in, pressing their foreheads together. It soothed that last spike of worry somewhat.]
This place's turned a lotta people human. Guess we'll find out in a week if her Brand keeps growing. [And if it did, well... Fang would cross that chilling bridge when the moment came. She didn't want to think about it.]
Doesn't change a damn thing about her not knowin' what happens. And I... I don't think I can tell her.
Setting aside whether or not you think you can... [ Because she knew exactly where Fang was, saddled with a heavy amount of information that made things feel... very off balance, and honestly a little terrifying. A lot terrifying. ]
[Fang hadn't thought of it like that; the question gave her pause.]
...Feels like I do, but that's just me bein' selfish. I know I shouldn't. [The turnskin sagged a little, the inevitability of their tragedies suddenly heavy.] Won't change a damn thing—and if it did? That's how the world got into the right mess it is now.
It's like she's a ghost, only half-there as a memory.
... Then don't. Not now. [ Which just saying that made some bile boil up within her, and something... dark, coil just within the bond, something that was soaked in Chariot's own guilt and shame, dredging it up alongside her wisdom, and swearing that she wasn't just telling Fang to repeat her own sins. ]
What I mean is... If Lightning demands it from you, don't hide it from her, but right now, if it can't make any positive difference, or that enlightenment can't actually benefit her in any way, then don't burden her with it. When she feels she's ready for that truth... then you can share it. But for now, 'ghost' or not, she's still your friend, and what she needs in a strange, alien world is a friend. Not some harbinger of a future she may not be ready to hear about...
[Fang didn't want Chariot to be as right as she was. But... it did shift Fang's focus. She couldn't be so caught up in her own despair that she forgot to look after her friend. Without that missing experience, Lightning couldn't stand beside Fang the way she needed her to... but the reverse wasn't true.]
No one's ever ready to hear their only family doesn't make it, [Fang said quietly.]
[The turnskin breathed deep. She'd shoulder it, endure it, like she always did, even if Fang felt like a pillar of broken glass—all too-sharp edges and fragile strength.]
[...but all of that was a harsh truth. It felt dour and blunt—and almost alarmingly familiar. Fang lifted a hand to Chariot's cheek, opening her eyes.]
You make a strong case, even if it doesn't sound like you. [Even if it didn't feel like Chariot, that nebulous dark thing floating on the fringes of the Bond.]
[ Chariot let out a breath, not so much a sigh, but just breath, life leaving her chest, cycling back in just as slowly, calming her own nerves as she leaned into Fang's touch, her own eyes sliding closed. ]
Because I've been the one to hold on to a truth like that, keep it inside and away from someone who deserved to know.
[ She shivered, those dark, inky black tendrils clutching around her, the beat of her heart weakening beneath it. ]
But that was because I was ashamed of it. I had so much guilt and disgrace tied up in that truth that I didn't think of holding it like keeping someone out, but keeping toxic nature of that truth from hurting others...
And at some point, I thought... I should tell her the truth. To tell her everything I'd kept from her. But I kept allowing circumstances to hold my tongue, to give me an excuse to remain silent.
In the end I just wound up hurting her. Because the person that truth pertained to the most needed to hear it, and hear it from me. And I was too weighed down by my own self-inflicted penance to realize it.
[Gods, no, don't do this to her, not now. The encroach of that choking, familiar darkness in their Bond chilled Fang's blood; she'd seen it once before, the slow creep clear as day in retrospect. Haunted as Fang's mind was by thoughts of the Soulsong and Vanille tonight, she couldn't stop from drawing that terrifying parallel with Vanille shrinking and quietly breaking under the truth of Ragnarok, breaking well after the fact until she couldn't hear anything but the whispers of her guilt.]
[Fang didn't know if she had the strength to endure the additional dread—except that she would endure, no matter what it cost her. She couldn't let darkness like that fester again, even if she was just as clueless how to stop it as she's always been.]
[Her hands left Chariot's grasp and cheek so Fang could pull her Bonded into a tight embrace, as if the heavy pulse of her heart could carry Chariot's.]
[ The tightness of the embrace caught her a bit by surprise, as well as its suddenness, but it certainly helped, the warmth of Fang, the rhythm of her heart and how it beat for Chariot, pushed away the darkness of her own sins back, at least for the moment.
Her hair shifted, spilling out into red across her shoulder, and she buried herself against Fang, taking in several deep breaths, focusing on her scent, the familiarity of it, the warmth... ]
I don't... I don't think I can say it's that finished. But it's a process... and we're all still healing.
You and Lightning... you'll heal too. I'm sure of it.
[Fang pressed her cheek to Chariot's head, still holding tight, like she could keep that horrible guilt from getting back in.]
Sure, after we deal with what's hurtin' us in the first place. [She had no illusions for that: either she'd succeed and have her chance to heal, or there would be nothing to heal, after a one-way trip to oblivion.]
[She sighed, and gently nuzzled her hair.]
Sure felt like you're still weighed down with that self-inflicted penance. Probably heal faster without it.
Setting it aside... is not so easy. [ Chariot sighed, nuzzling into Fang, feeling herself start to sort of just figuratively melt into her, supported by her strength, but trying to be supportive herself all the same. ]
Healin' isn't, ether. [Fang shifted her embrace to more comfortably support her Bonded's weight. That glimpse of grasping darkness would haunt her, add to her worries, but... being strong for Chariot was easier than being strong for herself.]
Guilt's like rot. It poisons you and festers in those wounds if you don't do anything about it. [Fang's jaw clenched, her throat suddenly feeling tight again. A fierce, but somber, feeling rose in the Bond, something that blurred the line between desperate and determined.] I've seen what it does. I'm sure as hell not gonna watch you slip away, too.
[ It was impossible to miss the weight of those words, even without the Bond between them, as Fang's grip tightened around her, and Chariot felt her heart start to beat in earnest once more, though not having forgotten at all what was clawing at it in the first place. ]
Fang... [ Chariot lifted her head to press a kiss along Fang's jaw, reaching to comb through her hair and cradle her there, to assure her that she was indeed in her arms, heart still beating... ] I won't slip away... I promise... I'll come to terms with this, some day.
[ Akko and Diana had already forgiven her. She'd not quite forgiven herself. But between Fang and Ramesses... she was coming along. And she couldn't begin to express her gratitude. ]
[Fang breathed deep, exhaling slowly, her own heart thrumming a little harder. A promise. Those weren't ironclad, but with the Bond, feeling Chariot's intent behind it... Fang was still a wreck of worry and uncertainly, but a little of it drained from her body.]
I'm gonna hold you to that, [Fang murmured, her tone firm. She lifted her head in turn, giving her a worn smile and pressing her lips against the Witch's forehead.] Don't you ever forget that I feel the same, got it?
[The Lightning of her time believed Fang could do away with Vanille's darkness. For all she was determined to try, Fang wasn't convinced. But maybe, if she could help fight Chariot's, even just a little... she could come to believe that, herself.]
...Tell me about it, someday. [Whatever it was that hurt her so badly, that sin Chariot spoke of that first night.]
Someday... [ But not that day. Not that moment. But she resolved to herself that she would, that she'd speak her transgressions, lay them bare before the woman that held her heart so closely, nurtured it so warmly. For Fang... Chariot could do that.
But another thought strayed back into her mind at that moment, and there was something else she needed to tell Fang, too. ]
Um... Lightning... knows, by the way. That we're bonded. I'd met her within the dream and it just sort of came up.
She sure does. Imagine my surprise when she straight-up asked about my "soulmate." [Gods, if Fang was in a better mood, she would get so much mileage out of this. As it was, a lightly teasing tone was the best she could manage. How did Chariot even give that misconception?] How'd she go and get that idea, huh?
I really wish she'd stop using that word... She kind of leapt to that conclusion by herself and I failed to talk her down from it. [ Chariot chuckled, voice tired and soft. But aside from the embarrassment it caused she... couldn't really say she actually minded that label too much. In a very literal sense, it was true... but she and Fang both knew they didn't really match the traditional definition of the term. ]
[No matter how many times Chariot's reassured her of that, it still makes Fang's heart beat harder with a warm rush. She was incredibly independent, and often slipped away on her own for short periods, but Fang still had difficulty admitting she hated being alone for extended periods. As much as she'd come to spurn Oerba, community was still at her roots.]
I'm alright. [She chuckled.] Would've handled this a lot worse without you, Chariot. Thanks. [If that chair was any indication, at least.]
[Fang tilted her head to kiss her Bonded properly, a small gesture carrying that grateful, adoring warm rush in Fang's heart.]
[ Chariot returned that kiss, feeling that surge of amorous energy from Fang, letting it linger for as long as she could, simply breathing into the kiss and holding the other close...
They had each other. As far as Chariot was concerned, so long as they were both within this strange world, they always would.
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I haven't seen Light look and act like that in a thousand years, [she said softly, a different kind of worry bubbling up and joining with the existing ones.] She's still Branded a l'Cie.
[Fang thought she'd told Chariot enough to frame that as a bad thing.]
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A different time entirely... [ A thousand years was also a bit alarming, but Fang had told her something that suggested that possibility before, at least... ]
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[Feeling Chariot shift closer, Fang leaned her head in, pressing their foreheads together. It soothed that last spike of worry somewhat.]
This place's turned a lotta people human. Guess we'll find out in a week if her Brand keeps growing. [And if it did, well... Fang would cross that chilling bridge when the moment came. She didn't want to think about it.]
Doesn't change a damn thing about her not knowin' what happens. And I... I don't think I can tell her.
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Do you feel like you need to tell her?
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...Feels like I do, but that's just me bein' selfish. I know I shouldn't. [The turnskin sagged a little, the inevitability of their tragedies suddenly heavy.] Won't change a damn thing—and if it did? That's how the world got into the right mess it is now.
It's like she's a ghost, only half-there as a memory.
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What I mean is... If Lightning demands it from you, don't hide it from her, but right now, if it can't make any positive difference, or that enlightenment can't actually benefit her in any way, then don't burden her with it. When she feels she's ready for that truth... then you can share it. But for now, 'ghost' or not, she's still your friend, and what she needs in a strange, alien world is a friend. Not some harbinger of a future she may not be ready to hear about...
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[Fang didn't want Chariot to be as right as she was. But... it did shift Fang's focus. She couldn't be so caught up in her own despair that she forgot to look after her friend. Without that missing experience, Lightning couldn't stand beside Fang the way she needed her to... but the reverse wasn't true.]
No one's ever ready to hear their only family doesn't make it, [Fang said quietly.]
[The turnskin breathed deep. She'd shoulder it, endure it, like she always did, even if Fang felt like a pillar of broken glass—all too-sharp edges and fragile strength.]
[...but all of that was a harsh truth. It felt dour and blunt—and almost alarmingly familiar. Fang lifted a hand to Chariot's cheek, opening her eyes.]
You make a strong case, even if it doesn't sound like you. [Even if it didn't feel like Chariot, that nebulous dark thing floating on the fringes of the Bond.]
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Because I've been the one to hold on to a truth like that, keep it inside and away from someone who deserved to know.
[ She shivered, those dark, inky black tendrils clutching around her, the beat of her heart weakening beneath it. ]
But that was because I was ashamed of it. I had so much guilt and disgrace tied up in that truth that I didn't think of holding it like keeping someone out, but keeping toxic nature of that truth from hurting others...
And at some point, I thought... I should tell her the truth. To tell her everything I'd kept from her. But I kept allowing circumstances to hold my tongue, to give me an excuse to remain silent.
In the end I just wound up hurting her. Because the person that truth pertained to the most needed to hear it, and hear it from me. And I was too weighed down by my own self-inflicted penance to realize it.
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[Fang didn't know if she had the strength to endure the additional dread—except that she would endure, no matter what it cost her. She couldn't let darkness like that fester again, even if she was just as clueless how to stop it as she's always been.]
[Her hands left Chariot's grasp and cheek so Fang could pull her Bonded into a tight embrace, as if the heavy pulse of her heart could carry Chariot's.]
In the end, huh? Sounds like it's all done with.
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Her hair shifted, spilling out into red across her shoulder, and she buried herself against Fang, taking in several deep breaths, focusing on her scent, the familiarity of it, the warmth... ]
I don't... I don't think I can say it's that finished. But it's a process... and we're all still healing.
You and Lightning... you'll heal too. I'm sure of it.
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Sure, after we deal with what's hurtin' us in the first place. [She had no illusions for that: either she'd succeed and have her chance to heal, or there would be nothing to heal, after a one-way trip to oblivion.]
[She sighed, and gently nuzzled her hair.]
Sure felt like you're still weighed down with that self-inflicted penance. Probably heal faster without it.
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Guilt's like rot. It poisons you and festers in those wounds if you don't do anything about it. [Fang's jaw clenched, her throat suddenly feeling tight again. A fierce, but somber, feeling rose in the Bond, something that blurred the line between desperate and determined.] I've seen what it does. I'm sure as hell not gonna watch you slip away, too.
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Fang... [ Chariot lifted her head to press a kiss along Fang's jaw, reaching to comb through her hair and cradle her there, to assure her that she was indeed in her arms, heart still beating... ] I won't slip away... I promise... I'll come to terms with this, some day.
[ Akko and Diana had already forgiven her. She'd not quite forgiven herself. But between Fang and Ramesses... she was coming along. And she couldn't begin to express her gratitude. ]
I love you...
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I'm gonna hold you to that, [Fang murmured, her tone firm. She lifted her head in turn, giving her a worn smile and pressing her lips against the Witch's forehead.] Don't you ever forget that I feel the same, got it?
[The Lightning of her time believed Fang could do away with Vanille's darkness. For all she was determined to try, Fang wasn't convinced. But maybe, if she could help fight Chariot's, even just a little... she could come to believe that, herself.]
...Tell me about it, someday. [Whatever it was that hurt her so badly, that sin Chariot spoke of that first night.]
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But another thought strayed back into her mind at that moment, and there was something else she needed to tell Fang, too. ]
Um... Lightning... knows, by the way. That we're bonded. I'd met her within the dream and it just sort of came up.
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She sure does. Imagine my surprise when she straight-up asked about my "soulmate." [Gods, if Fang was in a better mood, she would get so much mileage out of this. As it was, a lightly teasing tone was the best she could manage. How did Chariot even give that misconception?] How'd she go and get that idea, huh?
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You can't be subtle with Light. That one's more stubborn than I am.
[She kissed Chariot's forehead again, then sighed. ]
Sorry. I know I'm the last one to get all caught up in what-ifs, but seein' her here... Can't get my mind off it.
[Her Brand, her future, if Fang could really return to her time or not... Everything. ]
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But you don't have to face any of this alone, either. I'll be here, come what may...
... Did you want something to eat or drink?
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I'm alright. [She chuckled.] Would've handled this a lot worse without you, Chariot. Thanks. [If that chair was any indication, at least.]
[Fang tilted her head to kiss her Bonded properly, a small gesture carrying that grateful, adoring warm rush in Fang's heart.]
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They had each other. As far as Chariot was concerned, so long as they were both within this strange world, they always would.
This was Home. ]