[The longer it had been since her last dose of sedative medicine, the more difficult words became. When Ursula extended her hand, the branch creaked as Kaede tried to yank her claws out of the bark to seize it without meaning to and without thought--a mindless animal motion. She could feel Ursula's magic now that the other woman was so close, a tingling hum in the air that inflamed all her senses at once like a desperately parched person hearing water.
Like someone who'd heard a promise, and clutched at it with the ferocity of the drowning. Was it true? Did it matter?
Kaede didn't want to be alone anymore.
The Chimera finally tore her claws free of the branch and reached down to grab Ursula's hand, her grasp tight. Then it was followed by her other hand, then the rest of her, sliding off of the branch to the ground. She needed to be closer. She needed more contact, more energy, more companionship where there hadn't been any in too long. And now Kaede had learned to miss it.]
[ Ursula was quick to pull Kaede into her arms, wrapping about her and letting her press as closely and tightly as she wished. It felt like she'd smashed open a faucet and all of Kaede's need for closeness was pouring out at once, barely able to be contained. As far as she was concerned, that was fine. She could handle a fragile heart... ]
There there... it's okay... I've got you. I'll hold you for as long as you need me to.
[The first time Kaede's fingertips brushed Ursula's arm feeling jolted through her, energy surging through her skin like feeling returning to numbed limbs.
Kaede had been weak again. Weak and pathetic and desperate and someone saw her, but she couldn't stop curling her fingers in the back of Ursula's shirt and hair, pressing herself against the Witch as much as possible. She was...only doing this because she needed to, she told herself. It was necessary to keep her from going mad, by whatever held this world together.
But it wasn't just that. What Ursula had said had dredged up more visceral reactions that wouldn't be explained away so shallowly. She hated people. She missed people. She hated being touched, and craved human contact all at once.
Ursula wasn't chastising her weakness or pushing her away. She was still just as calm and patient as before.
Kaede could still be in danger. Ursula could still be planning something, and the longer the Chimera spent here--clearing her thoughts, drawing the Witch's excess magic into herself--the more she heard the growling anger lurking in her mind, the thing keeping her from rest.
It's a secret, then... If anyone asks about the bond, they don't have to know about this, about tonight... [ Ursula could easily keep this to herself, about Kaede's moment of weakness. She didn't really consider it weakness, herself, but she knew there was a long road to walk with regards to Kaede's conflict between her apprehension and her need for comfort. And she had the patience to walk it with her. ]
Though... maybe it's presumptuous of me to assume you're agreeing to a bond just because of this. So I'll ask outright... Will you be bonded to me, Kaede?
[Kaede sighed through her nose, some of the tension relaxing out of her shoulders. It was a small thing, in the scope of things. But it was important to her.
Which led to the next thing. The Bond question, again.
The Chimera stilled, and didn't answer for several long moments. She drew in a breath, and let it go again.]
...yes. I'll do it.
[She ought to. She needed to, or the growling voice would overtake her mind--if not this Moonrise, then surely the next. And as wary as Kaede was of tying her fractured, stunted soul to another person, she feared losing herself and all that she was to a Voice more.]
How soon would you prefer? I'm not aiming to rush you into anything. We can take all the time you need. [ Ursula raised a hand to gently pet the back of her neck, taking care to keep her touch as tender as she could manage. ]
[When Ursula touched her, so close to her head, Kaede twitched. The feathers in her hair fluffed up under the Witch's hand--they were still quite soft, and became softer the further down Ursula's fingertips went.
After a few moments of...nothing happening, the Chimera mumbled to herself--and pulled the Witch closer, tightening her grip. Just to make sure Ursula wasn't trying anything.]
...I think I can stay here. No, I--should. For now.
[It was calm and quiet here--with few to zero targets to fixate on. Crossing the city, however briefly, would present a whole host of distractions. Being able to hold Ursula so close had cleared her mind, but she didn't know how long that clarity would last once she let go.]
We'll meet at the Coven first thing in the morning...
... Unless you'd like me to stay the night with you. [ She hadn't considered it, at first. But Fang was out in the wilderness, and she had to admit, she'd been feeling a little lonely herself. Kaede seemed desperate for something to calm her, and she didn't want her using sedatives unless it was an emergency... ]
[Kaede blinked, lifting her head up from Ursula's shoulder. She glanced at the house--unnecessarily, it was more than big enough. Maria was out or preoccupied and Giorno hadn't troubled her since the first time they'd met. There were plenty of rooms to stay in without seeing either of them.]
You would...you would do that?
[But, more than that, just the thought led back to all the others before. That someone was willing to answer her. That someone was kind to her, the monstrous Kaede. Someone who admittedly didn't know what she was, and...who Kaede didn't want to tell. Ursula might leave, then. She might recoil, refuse to have anything to do with her.
And as briefly as Kaede had known the Witch, she already didn't want her to leave.]
[ Ursula nodded, still petting the back of Kaede's neck. It was true, she didn't know the full extent for Kaede's reasons for isolating herself, but the reasons she DID know she knew she could help with. She knew Kaede didn't want to hurt anyone, that she wanted to be better, and could be. She knew that Kaede had a sweetness to her, in moments like this, that clung to the warmth in the darkness... Ursula's heart had room within it for someone like that. It always would. ]
[The feathers there fluffed under Ursula's fingers, and Kaede let out a sigh she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Maybe this would still end in misery, in misunderstandings left to fester too long.
Kaede didn't want to think about that anymore, or much of anything. There was someone here to soothe the cold ache in her chest and quiet the jittery, angry animal thoughts in her mind. That was all. That was everything. Even if she still didn't think she deserved such things.
Gently, Kaede nudged the Witch towards the house.]
Until morning... [ Ursula hummed, pausing a moment before chuckling. ] Though I didn't exactly come prepared for an overnight stay. So I apologize if I have morning breath.
[Kaede blinked--and made a noise that sounded somewhere between a huff and a fussy bird's chitter. Some of her feathers puffed up a bit more, to complete the picture.]
[The Chimera let go most of the way, loosening her claws from Ursula's shirt and back so she didn't snag something when she twitched and ruffled her feathers. They stayed fluffed up for a few moments before smoothing down.]
If I'm going to attach part of my soul to someone I'd hope that sort of thing wouldn't bother me.
[Saying it aloud made it seem all the more concrete and real. Kaede's voice drifted off at the end, and her tail flicked back and forth.]
[ Once within the mansion, Ursula couldn't not notice how big and empty it all felt. Compared to where she was living, this was practically a cave. And as much as it seemed strangely fitting of Kaede's gloomy personality, it couldn't have helped her loneliness... Ursula's much more cozy place likely would take some getting used to, though. ]
This place must get really drafty in the winter...
[There were still many rooms with dust and full-on cobwebs, some of the furniture still wrapped in storage covers. A lot of things creaked and shifted, and even more of them cast flickering shadows that made Kaede's ears twitch at sounds that weren't there.
But this was what she'd started to consider home, these lonely dusty halls.]
Haven't been here long enough for that.
[A tail flick.]
Guess it wasn't so nice when all that snow was around though.
Well... [ Ursula hummed as they made their way to Kaede's room. ]
If it ever gets that cold, I'm sure my place will feel warmer, if only for how small it is, if you ever want to spend the night there. I'm okay with you living wherever you feel comfortable.
[Kaede's room wasn't too far in; it was one of the smaller guest rooms, still fairly sparsely decorated. She didn't tend to collect things very much, and her approach to tidiness was present but casual. The bed wasn't made, and the armchair and couch didn't match--like they'd been dragged in from other rooms. Her desk had a few disparate borrowed books and scraps of paper on it, some round pebbles--and several empty medicine bottles.
But it was free of the dust, for the most part. More than a few soft curls of down feather scattered on the floor, though.]
I'll...need to come visit you a lot, anyway. Won't I.
[Her voice seemed uncertain and hesitated at the end--the same way she hesitated at the doorway.]
I'm not sure those are the words I'd use, but you'll be welcome any time you feel a need to be there, all the same. [ Ursula hummed, waiting for Kaede to step into the room first. She felt like she was learning more and more about Kaede from this place, particularly the way the room had been arranged. She was fairly eager to see just what sort of books she'd been reading. ]
[...oh. Kaede unfroze from her spot at the door to venture in, and tugged the Witch after her before letting go, in case Ursula noticed the warm and jittery feeling that kind of invitation put in her chest. The Chimera didn't pay much mind to the books on her desk, making for the couch instead.
The books were mostly on gardening subjects--one had a scrap of paper stuck in the chapter about lilies. Another book was about caring for birds--still open, in fact, to a section on molting feathers. Kaede hadn't exactly been expecting visitors.]
There are other rooms you could stay in.
[In the time it took to let go of Ursula's wrist and walk to the couch, though, Kaede had felt agitated thoughts return to her. What was she doing, letting someone into her house, in her room? She should--
The Chimera shook her antlered head, and resisted the urge to just double back across the room to latch onto Ursula again.]
[ Kaede may have been the reticent sort, but her body language was simple enough for Ursula to read. She had to get used to things like that as a teacher, and she found herself using those sociological skills in this world more often than she thought she would. Kaede's longing was obvious... ]
I'm fine staying here with you. I don't mind sharing a bed if that's what you want, too. Anything to help you feel calm and at peace.
[Kaede came to a stop in front of the couch that was a bit more abrupt than she meant.]
--uh.
[That caught her a bit off guard. Though, yes. She wanted to think on her own terms again. She didn't want Ursula to just leave, but sharing a bed with her seemed a lot right now. The Chimera scratched at the back of her head, still facing away.]
You don't...need to do that much.
[There was a non-zero chance of Kaede gravitating towards the source of warmth in the room later on, though.]
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Like someone who'd heard a promise, and clutched at it with the ferocity of the drowning. Was it true? Did it matter?
Kaede didn't want to be alone anymore.
The Chimera finally tore her claws free of the branch and reached down to grab Ursula's hand, her grasp tight. Then it was followed by her other hand, then the rest of her, sliding off of the branch to the ground. She needed to be closer. She needed more contact, more energy, more companionship where there hadn't been any in too long. And now Kaede had learned to miss it.]
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There there... it's okay... I've got you. I'll hold you for as long as you need me to.
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Kaede had been weak again. Weak and pathetic and desperate and someone saw her, but she couldn't stop curling her fingers in the back of Ursula's shirt and hair, pressing herself against the Witch as much as possible. She was...only doing this because she needed to, she told herself. It was necessary to keep her from going mad, by whatever held this world together.
But it wasn't just that. What Ursula had said had dredged up more visceral reactions that wouldn't be explained away so shallowly. She hated people. She missed people. She hated being touched, and craved human contact all at once.
Ursula wasn't chastising her weakness or pushing her away. She was still just as calm and patient as before.
Kaede could still be in danger. Ursula could still be planning something, and the longer the Chimera spent here--clearing her thoughts, drawing the Witch's excess magic into herself--the more she heard the growling anger lurking in her mind, the thing keeping her from rest.
But she didn't want to let go.]
...don't...tell anyone.
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Though... maybe it's presumptuous of me to assume you're agreeing to a bond just because of this. So I'll ask outright... Will you be bonded to me, Kaede?
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Which led to the next thing. The Bond question, again.
The Chimera stilled, and didn't answer for several long moments. She drew in a breath, and let it go again.]
...yes. I'll do it.
[She ought to. She needed to, or the growling voice would overtake her mind--if not this Moonrise, then surely the next. And as wary as Kaede was of tying her fractured, stunted soul to another person, she feared losing herself and all that she was to a Voice more.]
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After a few moments of...nothing happening, the Chimera mumbled to herself--and pulled the Witch closer, tightening her grip. Just to make sure Ursula wasn't trying anything.]
...sooner than later.
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[ She wasn't above inviting Kaede into her apartment, regardless of bond status. ]
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[It was calm and quiet here--with few to zero targets to fixate on. Crossing the city, however briefly, would present a whole host of distractions. Being able to hold Ursula so close had cleared her mind, but she didn't know how long that clarity would last once she let go.]
I still have some of the sedatives left.
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... Unless you'd like me to stay the night with you. [ She hadn't considered it, at first. But Fang was out in the wilderness, and she had to admit, she'd been feeling a little lonely herself. Kaede seemed desperate for something to calm her, and she didn't want her using sedatives unless it was an emergency... ]
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You would...you would do that?
[But, more than that, just the thought led back to all the others before. That someone was willing to answer her. That someone was kind to her, the monstrous Kaede. Someone who admittedly didn't know what she was, and...who Kaede didn't want to tell. Ursula might leave, then. She might recoil, refuse to have anything to do with her.
And as briefly as Kaede had known the Witch, she already didn't want her to leave.]
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For as long as you need me to...
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Kaede didn't want to think about that anymore, or much of anything. There was someone here to soothe the cold ache in her chest and quiet the jittery, angry animal thoughts in her mind. That was all. That was everything. Even if she still didn't think she deserved such things.
Gently, Kaede nudged the Witch towards the house.]
...until morning, then.
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I'm not worried about that.
[There it was, some of Kaede's usual self.]
There are other things you can use in the house.
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[The Chimera let go most of the way, loosening her claws from Ursula's shirt and back so she didn't snag something when she twitched and ruffled her feathers. They stayed fluffed up for a few moments before smoothing down.]
If I'm going to attach part of my soul to someone I'd hope that sort of thing wouldn't bother me.
[Saying it aloud made it seem all the more concrete and real. Kaede's voice drifted off at the end, and her tail flicked back and forth.]
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This place must get really drafty in the winter...
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But this was what she'd started to consider home, these lonely dusty halls.]
Haven't been here long enough for that.
[A tail flick.]
Guess it wasn't so nice when all that snow was around though.
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If it ever gets that cold, I'm sure my place will feel warmer, if only for how small it is, if you ever want to spend the night there. I'm okay with you living wherever you feel comfortable.
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But it was free of the dust, for the most part. More than a few soft curls of down feather scattered on the floor, though.]
I'll...need to come visit you a lot, anyway. Won't I.
[Her voice seemed uncertain and hesitated at the end--the same way she hesitated at the doorway.]
Like a stray cat coming up to the window.
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The books were mostly on gardening subjects--one had a scrap of paper stuck in the chapter about lilies. Another book was about caring for birds--still open, in fact, to a section on molting feathers. Kaede hadn't exactly been expecting visitors.]
There are other rooms you could stay in.
[In the time it took to let go of Ursula's wrist and walk to the couch, though, Kaede had felt agitated thoughts return to her. What was she doing, letting someone into her house, in her room? She should--
The Chimera shook her antlered head, and resisted the urge to just double back across the room to latch onto Ursula again.]
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I'm fine staying here with you. I don't mind sharing a bed if that's what you want, too. Anything to help you feel calm and at peace.
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--uh.
[That caught her a bit off guard. Though, yes. She wanted to think on her own terms again. She didn't want Ursula to just leave, but sharing a bed with her seemed a lot right now. The Chimera scratched at the back of her head, still facing away.]
You don't...need to do that much.
[There was a non-zero chance of Kaede gravitating towards the source of warmth in the room later on, though.]
Is the couch okay?
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