I am afraid. [ Ursula didn't see any reason to hide it. ]
I'm afraid of what will happen to you if you don't get help. I'm afraid of what might happen to me if you lose more of your humanity. Of course I'm afraid.
But... I'm still here. I'm not going to run away when you're in need. I'd make a really poor friend, otherwise.
[Another few blinks. She expected a denial, and then to bring up that there were at least four places Ursula passed by that Kaede could have hidden and pounced from.
Her tail slowed, just twitching and curling on itself at the tip instead of lashing like a feathered pendulum.
Kaede even forgot to protest losing her humanity as if she'd had any to begin with.]
Friend?
[She wasn't disparaging Ursula for saying that, not with Kaede's voice so bewildered. The word seemed so...alien to say. Unfamiliar and clunky. She'd known Ursula only briefly, and yet...
She'd only known Aiko briefly, too. Even Kouta, when they'd first met as children.
[ Ursula hadn't expected Kaede to get hung up on that word, but she also figured it wasn't that surprising, either. The girl seemed... troubled. To say the least. But Ursula offered a smile, despite that, nodding her head. ]
I should hope so. You don't usually spend that much time in a pleasant snuggle with someone and not eventually think of them as a friend. We started as strangers, but you opened yourself to me, and I'm not going to take that for granted.
So yes. I'd like to think we're friends. But if you'd prefer we not, I won't press it, either. But... you did contact me.
[Kaede muttered to herself, breaking her unwavering stare to glance at some unimportant vines climbing over the wall.]
Don't think I'm the best person to ask about that definition.
[Maybe they were friends. Maybe it was too early to say such things. Maybe every relationship Kaede had ever known was just premature and stunted.
But Kaede's attention didn't stay diverted for long. Ursula was still there--hadn't budged, in fact--and the instincts growling at the back of Kaede's mind wouldn't let her forget the Witch's presence, abstract ponderings or not. It made her skin prickle, knowing, feeling the Witch so close by and knowing that she couldn't--shouldn't touch. The pulse of the Moons had been driving Kaede to unfocused distraction before--they still were, but with something else to focus her attention on, that maddening drumbeat wasn't so overt.
Her gaze locked back onto the Witch, and her claws dug further into the branch.]
[ Ursula's smile faded some, taking in a deep breath. ]
Well. You really only have one option; forming a bond. [ And as affectionate as Kaede had been at the festival, she knew that was still a heavy leap for anyone to take. It had been for her, after all. ]
[ Which lead her to her next point... of how she specifically could help. And it felt like a hell of a branch to extend, knowing full well the implications of it, what it would mean for both of them, and for Fang as well. But she couldn't sit by and do nothing while there was something, anything that could be done in her power to ease Kaede's suffering... ]
Do you trust me? At the festival, you did... but do you still?
[Kaede's mouth was still open to say something, but no other words came. She closed it after a moment, and her tail began to twitch again.
When she did speak again, it was more of a narration of her own thoughts, trying to piece her own thoughts together as much as answer Ursula. That...it was a lot to consider. A substantial part of her mind was screaming no, this is a bad idea. The part of her mind that had kept her safe all these years.
...the part of her mind that had kept her isolated, all these years. Once, Kaede would have almost tolerated that.
But now that she knew what kindness was like, what people could be like, she...she missed it. Missed the contact, missed people calling her name without fear or pity in their voice.]
...you still haven't attacked me. [Not even in self defense, or...any defense, really. Ursula had just walked right in, even knowing a volatile Monster was at the end. Kaede wouldn't forget that.] You answered me. And you're still...here.
And I'll still be here... unless you send me away. [ Ursula stepped closer to the branch Kaede was on, slowly, gingerly, extending her hand upwards to her. ]
I know you don't want to hurt anyone... but you don't want to be alone anymore, either, do you? I can't promise this will be easy... we have a lot to learn about each other. But I know I'm willing to give it a try.
Any point you want to walk away... I won't even question it. But my hand is here for you to take. It always will be.
[The longer it had been since her last dose of sedative medicine, the more difficult words became. When Ursula extended her hand, the branch creaked as Kaede tried to yank her claws out of the bark to seize it without meaning to and without thought--a mindless animal motion. She could feel Ursula's magic now that the other woman was so close, a tingling hum in the air that inflamed all her senses at once like a desperately parched person hearing water.
Like someone who'd heard a promise, and clutched at it with the ferocity of the drowning. Was it true? Did it matter?
Kaede didn't want to be alone anymore.
The Chimera finally tore her claws free of the branch and reached down to grab Ursula's hand, her grasp tight. Then it was followed by her other hand, then the rest of her, sliding off of the branch to the ground. She needed to be closer. She needed more contact, more energy, more companionship where there hadn't been any in too long. And now Kaede had learned to miss it.]
[ Ursula was quick to pull Kaede into her arms, wrapping about her and letting her press as closely and tightly as she wished. It felt like she'd smashed open a faucet and all of Kaede's need for closeness was pouring out at once, barely able to be contained. As far as she was concerned, that was fine. She could handle a fragile heart... ]
There there... it's okay... I've got you. I'll hold you for as long as you need me to.
[The first time Kaede's fingertips brushed Ursula's arm feeling jolted through her, energy surging through her skin like feeling returning to numbed limbs.
Kaede had been weak again. Weak and pathetic and desperate and someone saw her, but she couldn't stop curling her fingers in the back of Ursula's shirt and hair, pressing herself against the Witch as much as possible. She was...only doing this because she needed to, she told herself. It was necessary to keep her from going mad, by whatever held this world together.
But it wasn't just that. What Ursula had said had dredged up more visceral reactions that wouldn't be explained away so shallowly. She hated people. She missed people. She hated being touched, and craved human contact all at once.
Ursula wasn't chastising her weakness or pushing her away. She was still just as calm and patient as before.
Kaede could still be in danger. Ursula could still be planning something, and the longer the Chimera spent here--clearing her thoughts, drawing the Witch's excess magic into herself--the more she heard the growling anger lurking in her mind, the thing keeping her from rest.
It's a secret, then... If anyone asks about the bond, they don't have to know about this, about tonight... [ Ursula could easily keep this to herself, about Kaede's moment of weakness. She didn't really consider it weakness, herself, but she knew there was a long road to walk with regards to Kaede's conflict between her apprehension and her need for comfort. And she had the patience to walk it with her. ]
Though... maybe it's presumptuous of me to assume you're agreeing to a bond just because of this. So I'll ask outright... Will you be bonded to me, Kaede?
[Kaede sighed through her nose, some of the tension relaxing out of her shoulders. It was a small thing, in the scope of things. But it was important to her.
Which led to the next thing. The Bond question, again.
The Chimera stilled, and didn't answer for several long moments. She drew in a breath, and let it go again.]
...yes. I'll do it.
[She ought to. She needed to, or the growling voice would overtake her mind--if not this Moonrise, then surely the next. And as wary as Kaede was of tying her fractured, stunted soul to another person, she feared losing herself and all that she was to a Voice more.]
How soon would you prefer? I'm not aiming to rush you into anything. We can take all the time you need. [ Ursula raised a hand to gently pet the back of her neck, taking care to keep her touch as tender as she could manage. ]
[When Ursula touched her, so close to her head, Kaede twitched. The feathers in her hair fluffed up under the Witch's hand--they were still quite soft, and became softer the further down Ursula's fingertips went.
After a few moments of...nothing happening, the Chimera mumbled to herself--and pulled the Witch closer, tightening her grip. Just to make sure Ursula wasn't trying anything.]
...I think I can stay here. No, I--should. For now.
[It was calm and quiet here--with few to zero targets to fixate on. Crossing the city, however briefly, would present a whole host of distractions. Being able to hold Ursula so close had cleared her mind, but she didn't know how long that clarity would last once she let go.]
We'll meet at the Coven first thing in the morning...
... Unless you'd like me to stay the night with you. [ She hadn't considered it, at first. But Fang was out in the wilderness, and she had to admit, she'd been feeling a little lonely herself. Kaede seemed desperate for something to calm her, and she didn't want her using sedatives unless it was an emergency... ]
[Kaede blinked, lifting her head up from Ursula's shoulder. She glanced at the house--unnecessarily, it was more than big enough. Maria was out or preoccupied and Giorno hadn't troubled her since the first time they'd met. There were plenty of rooms to stay in without seeing either of them.]
You would...you would do that?
[But, more than that, just the thought led back to all the others before. That someone was willing to answer her. That someone was kind to her, the monstrous Kaede. Someone who admittedly didn't know what she was, and...who Kaede didn't want to tell. Ursula might leave, then. She might recoil, refuse to have anything to do with her.
And as briefly as Kaede had known the Witch, she already didn't want her to leave.]
[ Ursula nodded, still petting the back of Kaede's neck. It was true, she didn't know the full extent for Kaede's reasons for isolating herself, but the reasons she DID know she knew she could help with. She knew Kaede didn't want to hurt anyone, that she wanted to be better, and could be. She knew that Kaede had a sweetness to her, in moments like this, that clung to the warmth in the darkness... Ursula's heart had room within it for someone like that. It always would. ]
[The feathers there fluffed under Ursula's fingers, and Kaede let out a sigh she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Maybe this would still end in misery, in misunderstandings left to fester too long.
Kaede didn't want to think about that anymore, or much of anything. There was someone here to soothe the cold ache in her chest and quiet the jittery, angry animal thoughts in her mind. That was all. That was everything. Even if she still didn't think she deserved such things.
Gently, Kaede nudged the Witch towards the house.]
Until morning... [ Ursula hummed, pausing a moment before chuckling. ] Though I didn't exactly come prepared for an overnight stay. So I apologize if I have morning breath.
[Kaede blinked--and made a noise that sounded somewhere between a huff and a fussy bird's chitter. Some of her feathers puffed up a bit more, to complete the picture.]
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I'm afraid of what will happen to you if you don't get help. I'm afraid of what might happen to me if you lose more of your humanity. Of course I'm afraid.
But... I'm still here. I'm not going to run away when you're in need. I'd make a really poor friend, otherwise.
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Her tail slowed, just twitching and curling on itself at the tip instead of lashing like a feathered pendulum.
Kaede even forgot to protest losing her humanity as if she'd had any to begin with.]
Friend?
[She wasn't disparaging Ursula for saying that, not with Kaede's voice so bewildered. The word seemed so...alien to say. Unfamiliar and clunky. She'd known Ursula only briefly, and yet...
She'd only known Aiko briefly, too. Even Kouta, when they'd first met as children.
Did that make them friends?]
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I should hope so. You don't usually spend that much time in a pleasant snuggle with someone and not eventually think of them as a friend. We started as strangers, but you opened yourself to me, and I'm not going to take that for granted.
So yes. I'd like to think we're friends. But if you'd prefer we not, I won't press it, either. But... you did contact me.
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Don't think I'm the best person to ask about that definition.
[Maybe they were friends. Maybe it was too early to say such things. Maybe every relationship Kaede had ever known was just premature and stunted.
But Kaede's attention didn't stay diverted for long. Ursula was still there--hadn't budged, in fact--and the instincts growling at the back of Kaede's mind wouldn't let her forget the Witch's presence, abstract ponderings or not. It made her skin prickle, knowing, feeling the Witch so close by and knowing that she couldn't--shouldn't touch. The pulse of the Moons had been driving Kaede to unfocused distraction before--they still were, but with something else to focus her attention on, that maddening drumbeat wasn't so overt.
Her gaze locked back onto the Witch, and her claws dug further into the branch.]
What do you think you can do, then?
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Well. You really only have one option; forming a bond. [ And as affectionate as Kaede had been at the festival, she knew that was still a heavy leap for anyone to take. It had been for her, after all. ]
Is there any witch you trust enough for that?
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...no.
[Well, she could trust Maria to kill her if things got worse. But that wasn't what Ursula had asked.]
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Do you trust me? At the festival, you did... but do you still?
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[Kaede's mouth was still open to say something, but no other words came. She closed it after a moment, and her tail began to twitch again.
When she did speak again, it was more of a narration of her own thoughts, trying to piece her own thoughts together as much as answer Ursula. That...it was a lot to consider. A substantial part of her mind was screaming no, this is a bad idea. The part of her mind that had kept her safe all these years.
...the part of her mind that had kept her isolated, all these years. Once, Kaede would have almost tolerated that.
But now that she knew what kindness was like, what people could be like, she...she missed it. Missed the contact, missed people calling her name without fear or pity in their voice.]
...you still haven't attacked me. [Not even in self defense, or...any defense, really. Ursula had just walked right in, even knowing a volatile Monster was at the end. Kaede wouldn't forget that.] You answered me. And you're still...here.
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I know you don't want to hurt anyone... but you don't want to be alone anymore, either, do you? I can't promise this will be easy... we have a lot to learn about each other. But I know I'm willing to give it a try.
Any point you want to walk away... I won't even question it. But my hand is here for you to take. It always will be.
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Like someone who'd heard a promise, and clutched at it with the ferocity of the drowning. Was it true? Did it matter?
Kaede didn't want to be alone anymore.
The Chimera finally tore her claws free of the branch and reached down to grab Ursula's hand, her grasp tight. Then it was followed by her other hand, then the rest of her, sliding off of the branch to the ground. She needed to be closer. She needed more contact, more energy, more companionship where there hadn't been any in too long. And now Kaede had learned to miss it.]
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There there... it's okay... I've got you. I'll hold you for as long as you need me to.
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Kaede had been weak again. Weak and pathetic and desperate and someone saw her, but she couldn't stop curling her fingers in the back of Ursula's shirt and hair, pressing herself against the Witch as much as possible. She was...only doing this because she needed to, she told herself. It was necessary to keep her from going mad, by whatever held this world together.
But it wasn't just that. What Ursula had said had dredged up more visceral reactions that wouldn't be explained away so shallowly. She hated people. She missed people. She hated being touched, and craved human contact all at once.
Ursula wasn't chastising her weakness or pushing her away. She was still just as calm and patient as before.
Kaede could still be in danger. Ursula could still be planning something, and the longer the Chimera spent here--clearing her thoughts, drawing the Witch's excess magic into herself--the more she heard the growling anger lurking in her mind, the thing keeping her from rest.
But she didn't want to let go.]
...don't...tell anyone.
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Though... maybe it's presumptuous of me to assume you're agreeing to a bond just because of this. So I'll ask outright... Will you be bonded to me, Kaede?
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Which led to the next thing. The Bond question, again.
The Chimera stilled, and didn't answer for several long moments. She drew in a breath, and let it go again.]
...yes. I'll do it.
[She ought to. She needed to, or the growling voice would overtake her mind--if not this Moonrise, then surely the next. And as wary as Kaede was of tying her fractured, stunted soul to another person, she feared losing herself and all that she was to a Voice more.]
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After a few moments of...nothing happening, the Chimera mumbled to herself--and pulled the Witch closer, tightening her grip. Just to make sure Ursula wasn't trying anything.]
...sooner than later.
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[ She wasn't above inviting Kaede into her apartment, regardless of bond status. ]
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[It was calm and quiet here--with few to zero targets to fixate on. Crossing the city, however briefly, would present a whole host of distractions. Being able to hold Ursula so close had cleared her mind, but she didn't know how long that clarity would last once she let go.]
I still have some of the sedatives left.
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... Unless you'd like me to stay the night with you. [ She hadn't considered it, at first. But Fang was out in the wilderness, and she had to admit, she'd been feeling a little lonely herself. Kaede seemed desperate for something to calm her, and she didn't want her using sedatives unless it was an emergency... ]
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You would...you would do that?
[But, more than that, just the thought led back to all the others before. That someone was willing to answer her. That someone was kind to her, the monstrous Kaede. Someone who admittedly didn't know what she was, and...who Kaede didn't want to tell. Ursula might leave, then. She might recoil, refuse to have anything to do with her.
And as briefly as Kaede had known the Witch, she already didn't want her to leave.]
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For as long as you need me to...
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Kaede didn't want to think about that anymore, or much of anything. There was someone here to soothe the cold ache in her chest and quiet the jittery, angry animal thoughts in her mind. That was all. That was everything. Even if she still didn't think she deserved such things.
Gently, Kaede nudged the Witch towards the house.]
...until morning, then.
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I'm not worried about that.
[There it was, some of Kaede's usual self.]
There are other things you can use in the house.
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