It's probably half an hour before she responds. And she didn't even really do anything in that hour. She just... sat there, staring at her phone, and... thinking about all of this. Feeling not the weight of her blanket any longer, but something far heavier. Crushing. Choking out her breath...
[leviathan takes less time to respond, but they still give it some thought. it isn't a good idea for themself, either, really; they don't know why they're pushing, or at least why they feel like they're pushing for something that's a bad idea for both of them.]
Then that's okay, Ursula. I mean it.
[they hope that they can get across in text the way they'd said something so similar on the rooftop together.]
But if you're still okay with it, I would like to keep being friends with you. I can like you in different ways.
[ The relief that washed over her was so profound, she felt herself start to tear up. Not because Levi accepted what she'd said, even if she still wasn't certain that was the right thing to say but... ]
Yeah. I think I remember something like that. Among the other good memories of that night.
[they mean it... maybe as a joke? maybe as a sincere memory of just what that night had meant to them. they remembered going home that evening and having one of the more peaceful sleeps they'd had since arriving here. that shouldn't be too much of a surprise, they don't think—but maybe ursula doesn't know how comforting she can be.]
That doesn't mean you can't have a little distance if you need it, though. I've been told I can get a little intense when I care about something.
I'm glad. It would be a shame to lose a friend so early. So are you still interested in doing some investigation together? You know, in the name of the alliance. I promise I'll keep it professional.
[they can't promise that. cute women are anathema to their impulse control. but they will, sincerely, do their absolute best.]
[ "Keep it professional"... something told her that was going to be well easier said than done. But she didn't want to let a friendship slip away, either, something anyone in their situation needed.
Just like with Jill, even if things had gotten out of hand... the connection they felt was still real.
And speaking of. ]
By the way, have you met a bartender named Jill Stingray, by any chance?
[the name certainly doesn't sound familiar, at least. they wouldn't mind meeting a proper bartender, especially if they come at ursula's recommendation. it could make some of the things they have planned much easier.]
Should I? I'm still looking to meet more people around here. And any friend of yours seems like someone I would get along with pretty well. Do you know where they tend?
They seem to be floating between several bars until they get a more permanent position, but they serve in one that's near my apartment.
[ Ugh, how to even... put this. ]
The reason I bring them up is because
[ Just say it, Ursula. You're already in this deep. And you talked with Jill, too, even if you'd been avoiding it... It was going to happen sooner or later. Genuinely this was not something her stress levels could afford to keep internalized and secret, unlike everything else about herself... ]
Jill and I
also
got ahead of ourselves. To say the least.
And I just think it would help things feel less like we're at fault for something if we all just sort of accepted that this sort of thing just. happens here. for whatever reason.
[ Did she actually believe that? In truth, it had been years since her last sexual encounter, before that night in the baths with Jill. It had been ages longer than that since her last romantic dance beneath the stars, before that night with Levi. So maybe she did believe, in some way, this strange situation was exasperating everything.
But she couldn't wholly buy into it, even if that's what she was saying. But it was easier to blame the city, in the end... ]
[levi tilts their head again on their end, trying to understand where ursula is coming from. is it really all just a matter of being at fault for something? that seems like... well, to put it bluntly, mostly an ursula problem, but. after a moment's thought, they do think they understand. and they would never begrudge her for it.]
Maybe so. I know that if it weren't for the music, I probably would have needed at least a little more leadup before I kissed you. I still think it would've happened, to be honest. I mean, Tenkohime wouldn't be very pleased to hear that things people didn't want to do with each other were happening on her watch, would she?
It could just have a way of accelerating things, though. Like alcohol, or adrenaline, but in a way that's a little healthier for me.
She probably hadn't needed to say any of that. Levi's reaction wasn't at all expected and now Ursula felt a stupid for basically everything she'd written. It takes a long moment for her to even respond.
The thing that sat with her the most, though, was...
"I still think it would've happened"
That was what had her tripping over herself. That idea, it just seemed... wholly not right. The music, the stardust, that had to all be it. Even if it felt like a cowardly thing to say, to not accept her own feelings or role in things, but. ]
I definitely don't want you to do anything unhealthy.
[that's a lie, but they don't really know what else to say when it feels like they've screwed something up. maybe they just pushed too hard or something. they can recover, right? they've already done it a couple times in this conversation.]
At any rate, I should come around your apartment soon. Don't worry, I won't show up uninvited, but I'd like to make more friends that aren't just online and I think Jill would be a good one to add to my circle. I also won't tell her about what we did if you don't want me to. I'm not telling anyone on my end of things.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I'm sorry, I didn't mean that as in
"I have a partner"
I just meant
[ Ugh. Text was supposed to prevent misunderstandings like this. ]
We're from different places. Different worlds. We shouldn't be so reckless.
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[they want to die.]
But I still don't think I understand.
Everyone here comes from different places... does that mean that nobody should get close to each other?
Are you worried about something happening if we do?
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It's probably half an hour before she responds. And she didn't even really do anything in that hour. She just... sat there, staring at her phone, and... thinking about all of this. Feeling not the weight of her blanket any longer, but something far heavier. Crushing. Choking out her breath...
It was familiar. ]
I can't speak for other people.
[ That much was at least true, on any level. ]
I just know, right now, for me
[ Just... let it out. ]
It's not a good time.
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Then that's okay, Ursula.
I mean it.
[they hope that they can get across in text the way they'd said something so similar on the rooftop together.]
But if you're still okay with it, I would like to keep being friends with you.
I can like you in different ways.
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Of course. I think I said it that night but
[ But... ]
I don't want to run away.
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Among the other good memories of that night.
[they mean it... maybe as a joke? maybe as a sincere memory of just what that night had meant to them. they remembered going home that evening and having one of the more peaceful sleeps they'd had since arriving here. that shouldn't be too much of a surprise, they don't think—but maybe ursula doesn't know how comforting she can be.]
That doesn't mean you can't have a little distance if you need it, though.
I've been told I can get a little intense when I care about something.
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I still really want to spend time with you. I know I'll only feel worse if I just try to stay away.
[ Plus, if they were going to be working together, there was just no sense in it. It'd hinder both of their roads to their contract payments... ]
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I'm glad. It would be a shame to lose a friend so early.
So are you still interested in doing some investigation together? You know, in the name of the alliance.
I promise I'll keep it professional.
[they can't promise that. cute women are anathema to their impulse control. but they will, sincerely, do their absolute best.]
I will still have to wear the hat, though.
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[ "Keep it professional"... something told her that was going to be well easier said than done. But she didn't want to let a friendship slip away, either, something anyone in their situation needed.
Just like with Jill, even if things had gotten out of hand... the connection they felt was still real.
And speaking of. ]
By the way, have you met a bartender named Jill Stingray, by any chance?
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[the name certainly doesn't sound familiar, at least. they wouldn't mind meeting a proper bartender, especially if they come at ursula's recommendation. it could make some of the things they have planned much easier.]
Should I? I'm still looking to meet more people around here.
And any friend of yours seems like someone I would get along with pretty well.
Do you know where they tend?
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[ Ugh, how to even... put this. ]
The reason I bring them up is because
[ Just say it, Ursula. You're already in this deep. And you talked with Jill, too, even if you'd been avoiding it... It was going to happen sooner or later. Genuinely this was not something her stress levels could afford to keep internalized and secret, unlike everything else about herself... ]
Jill and I
also
got ahead of ourselves. To say the least.
And I just think it would help things feel less like we're at fault for something if we all just sort of accepted that this sort of thing just. happens here. for whatever reason.
[ Did she actually believe that? In truth, it had been years since her last sexual encounter, before that night in the baths with Jill. It had been ages longer than that since her last romantic dance beneath the stars, before that night with Levi. So maybe she did believe, in some way, this strange situation was exasperating everything.
But she couldn't wholly buy into it, even if that's what she was saying. But it was easier to blame the city, in the end... ]
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Maybe so. I know that if it weren't for the music, I probably would have needed at least a little more leadup before I kissed you.
I still think it would've happened, to be honest.
I mean, Tenkohime wouldn't be very pleased to hear that things people didn't want to do with each other were happening on her watch, would she?
It could just have a way of accelerating things, though. Like alcohol, or adrenaline, but in a way that's a little healthier for me.
no subject
She probably hadn't needed to say any of that. Levi's reaction wasn't at all expected and now Ursula felt a stupid for basically everything she'd written. It takes a long moment for her to even respond.
The thing that sat with her the most, though, was...
"I still think it would've happened"
That was what had her tripping over herself. That idea, it just seemed... wholly not right. The music, the stardust, that had to all be it. Even if it felt like a cowardly thing to say, to not accept her own feelings or role in things, but. ]
I definitely don't want you to do anything unhealthy.
[ What a terrible response. She hated it. ]
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[that's a lie, but they don't really know what else to say when it feels like they've screwed something up. maybe they just pushed too hard or something. they can recover, right? they've already done it a couple times in this conversation.]
At any rate, I should come around your apartment soon.
Don't worry, I won't show up uninvited, but I'd like to make more friends that aren't just online and I think Jill would be a good one to add to my circle.
I also won't tell her about what we did if you don't want me to. I'm not telling anyone on my end of things.
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No, she
probably deserves to know. For the same reasons I told you about her.
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That would be one heck of a reputation to precede me, though. ;)
[they will not speak it into existence one syllable further, though. ursula might combust.]
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How? How did this seem so much easier for them? How did it seem so natural for Levi?
There was part of her... that couldn't help feeling jealous, over that.
She agonizes over how to respond, how to even parse that... ]
I haven't told her, no.
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[they're. sometimes good at this, and sometimes very bad at this, and right now not even they are sure where they fall. it's probably fine.]
Besides. I want to let you discuss things on your terms whenever possible.
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Easy. ]
Thank you. I really do appreciate it.
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Be well, Ursula. We'll talk more soon. ♥
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She'd let that fester, in her chest... like always. ]
💖