jgk inbox

[beariot]

URSULA CALLISTIS text / audio / video / action "Hey! I'm not in right now, but I do appreciate a message, if this was important!" code credit

Comments

text; username: levirage

[fibrillate]

Hi, Ursula! (It's Levi!)
I'm just sending something your way to see if you had any plans to help infiltrate the black market with faction-related work!
I've been taking up some tasks with Mona, who I think you know, but I wondered if you wanted to be part of it yourself.
You'll get to see me in a very cool hat, if that sweetens the deal for you. ;)

[beariot]

[ Oh. Right.

Levi.

It wasn't as bad as with Jill. She didn't completely lose her sense of shame, after all, and they'd found a very... important understanding with one another, she thought.

But she was still counting her regrets for just how much she'd allowed herself to indulge. But it wasn't Levi's fault. She couldn't just ghost them.

Well. Not anymore, at least. ]

I do know Ms. Mona. We're working on the star map together.

[fibrillate]

You are? Fantastic. I can't wait to see it.

Is everything okay? We haven't really spoken since that night under the stars...
I don't want you to think that you did too much.
I did really like it.

[beariot]

[ It takes her a moment to reply. She had to help herself to some tea, first, and then just sort of... settle into her bed, curled under the heavy blanket, staring at the screen for a moment before finding it in herself to type anything. ]

I enjoyed myself, too.

[ The indicator showed Levi she was still typing. And then not. And then typing again. And then not. A dozen or so further replies, deleted, started over. ]

Truthfully, I'm just not sure what to do now.

[fibrillate]

[that's... a little concerning. but they assume, and they have no idea how correct they are, that ursula is just taking time to find the right words. and that assumption holds until they read what she says, and they tilt their head just a little on their end.]

What do you mean?
Do you mean within the faction, or...?

[they know she doesn't mean within the faction.]

[beariot]

I feel

[ More starts and stops. ]

I feel like I took advantage of a situation. Because I was lonely.

[fibrillate]

[...mm. they're starting to worry if they should call ursula instead. but both of them seem more comfortable like this, perhaps. they don't have to put on masks, even the simple masks of polite society. they don't keep ursula waiting on a reply much longer, though.]

You're worrying about what you did...
But I don't feel like you took advantage of me, Ursula. I'm not mad at you.
And, well...
I kissed you first.

[beariot]

[ Maybe it should be held in person... but she honestly wouldn't be any better at finding her words. Perhaps worse. But at least then, she couldn't run away... ]

I don't expect you to be upset.

But that doesn't mean I should have done any of that.

[ More starting. More stopping. More agonizing over every little word, until it just comes out... ]

We both have more important things to worry about. People to get back to.

[fibrillate]

You have someone at home?

[this, they understand. this, they feel bad about. they should have asked first before doing anything—it's not like the world at home comes to a complete stop while they're here in hell.]

I'm sorry, I should have made sure of that first before I did anything.
I don't have a partner but I shouldn't have assumed it was the same for you.
If you'd like, we can pretend what we did didn't happen.

[💬 ... 💬 ... 💬]

But to be completely honest with you, I don't know if I can do that.

text; un:misstech

[roombamastermind]

Ursula! This is Croix!

I wanted to thank you for pointing me in the Kappa's direction. I spoke with them and I am now gainfully employed. It wouldn't have happened without you, so I wanted to give my thanks.

[beariot]

Well I don't know about "wouldn't have happened", all I did was point you in the right direction. You probably would have heard about it all on your own, eventually.

[roombamastermind]

Perhaps we can meet in the middle and settle on "it would have happened more slowly"?

I need to think about finding another place to live, now that I can pay for better than public housing.

[beariot]

Well you've probably noticed by now that nothing's really affordable. Even my place stretches me pretty thin.

[roombamastermind]

I see. I wasn't under any impression that I'd be able to afford something spacious.

...How badly does it affect you?

[beariot]

Well I had time to learn how to live frugally when I was first starting out at Luna Nova. Freshmen faculty don't get paid super well, after all, so this was familiar territory.

But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't rough.

[roombamastermind]

[Croix felt guilty; she'd essentially been given the red carpet at Luna Nova when she came along with her devices.]

If only there was a way we could help each other.

[beariot]

[ The firs thing that popped into her head honestly... took her a moment to really come back around to. Because of course that was the obvious answer. She'd promised to help Croix as much as she could, so long as Croix really was working towards getting better...

But her apartment was tiny. No amount of saved money would fix that. And what's more, being that close to Croix again, after so long... Yes, she'd let herself retreat in that nostalgia while they were "helping" at the internet cafe, but was that really okay? Was it healthy for either of them?

Nevermind that Levi would be a frequent visitor, and she still hadn't told Croix about ANY of that...

There was a long time before she responded again, basically the clock already lurching into evening. She had to really sit there and think about it, but...

... in the end... ]

How about, until you can afford a place of your own, you stay with me? It'd only be a temporary situaiton, of course! But I think I'd prefer this than worrying about you taking care of yourself out there.

[ In the end, a form of irrationality was always going to win with her, wasn't it? Even if it meant setting up the rake she'd eventually slam into her own face... ]

text; username: levirage

[fibrillate]

[they've had some time to sit with this information now. they're half-expecting the person in question to have already spilled the beans, especially if at any point either of them had had any alcohol. and they don't know how to really feel. they're not happy with what had happened, no, but they also don't feel close enough to the action to assign blame. they should be angry, perhaps, but even that gets swallowed down deep into their stomach whenever they try to think about it too hard.]

[all they know is that they don't have the power to forgive anyone, and ultimately, it comes down only to one person's choice.]

Croix told me what she did, Chariot.
I know this isn't enough, but I'm sorry.

[beariot]

[ ... Well. This was a surprise. Not that Chariot expected Croix to keep it all to herself, but... Levi, specifically? It took her a moment to respond, but it was... difficult, to say the least, to even think of what to say. ]

Why are you sorry?

[fibrillate]

For the pain that she put you through.
For the pain you must still be going through.

I don't have the right to forgive her for anything, so I haven't. But I promised not to make anything worse for her as long as she promises not to hurt you like that ever again.

[beariot]

[ ... Yeah, that... figures. ]

I have an idea of what she must of said, but I've my own cross to bear in this, Levi.

[ Croix, no doubt, would make it seem like only she was responsible. Just like with the internet cafe, where she tried, desperately, to put Chariot's heart at ease by blaming herself, despite the fact that no matter what theft Croix had planned, Chariot was still the one that had lost control of her magic...

She was doing it again. Making herself the villain so Chariot didn't need to confront her own mistakes, her own guilt... ]

[fibrillate]

I know that you must... I know that I only got one side of things.
And I may not know Croix very well, but she seems like the kind of person to take a lot on her shoulders.

[whether it's for good reasons or bad ones, levi's not sure. there's not really a good reason for it, but what they're worried about is trying to make things seem worse to elicit even more sympathy. but they're not certain croix was doing that, either.]

But I still want you to know that I care about you where all of this is concerned.
If it's not something you think I should involve myself with, you can tell me.

[beariot]

[ ... ]

Prior to arriving here, she reached her lowest point, and I think it just.

wrecked her.

Right now, we're both witnessing a Croix Meridies that's trying to rebuild herself. That's trying to put back together what's broken.

And while my esteem may be what she wants most, it isn't the only thing she needs. She needs friends, a support network, to help her.

[ That was what reform was, after all. ]

Levi, I can't ask you to be part of this.

[fibrillate]

Well, it might be a little late, unfortunately. I've already told her that I'm going to be her friend.

I hope it doesn't strike you as too much of a surprise that I treated her much the same way I treated you.
I know that people who have done awful things always have the choice to stop and make up for it, and she's making that choice exactly the way I once did.
I would be the worst kind of hypocrite not to show her the same kindness I've shown you.

[beariot]

[ Yeah, that... even if it was the most likely outcome, she couldn't help but feel the relief, the warmth, of knowing Levi would be part of... whatever it was Croix needed. ]

Thank you. I can't show my gratitude enough, not just for the patience you've shown me, but her as well.