I didn't actually say this to her, but I did think "my girlfriend thinks so, too". I think I just thanked her for the compliment. But I've never been good at accepting them.
[ Which wasn't completely true. She'd always been free with supporting words for Chariot up until things... weren't supportive any longer, but that was different. At least that's how she chose to think of it. ]
So long as she didn't go any further than compliment, I suppose it's fine but
[ ... yeah ]
This isn't really something I have any experience with.
[ Almost immediately, a small flinch of panic surges through her. Levi would even notice that she'd started typing, and it was erased, though all that had been was a slip of her thumb. It does take a moment for her to respond, though. ]
[this shouldn't be a surprise. the only thing that takes levi by surprise in the asking process is how insecure they sound as they think of the right words. they want to make sure that it's phrased the correct way. it takes a moment, a couple of rewrites.]
Would it hurt her to find out the way that you and I feel about each other?
[it still doesn't feel like they landed on the exact right words. but it's what they send.]
[ She'd expected a lot of things, not the least of which was to be confronted so bluntly by the very thought she'd had earlier. And why wouldn't she be? It was important. Croix was Going Through It, and also living with Chariot, another thing she should be upfront about but wasn't...
And the worst part of it was... ]
I don't know.
I just don't know.
How deep her feelings run for me, after everything that's happened, is something I feel like I have no right to speculate on.
[they see. they understand. croix has only just arrived here, and there's a timeline difference, and there's a lot of emotional baggage to unpack. and leviathan is, ultimately, an unknown. they've shared personal things with chariot, yes, but it's moved quickly. they would understand if...]
[they don't want to think about that.]
It's okay if you don't know yet. And... should anything happen to shed light on that... I'm not going to make a claim to your heart, Chariot. I'll respect any decision you make, if it comes to that.
[ Her next response came... way more immediately than she thought it would. ]
Don't say that. Don't start putting yourself in that box already. You're important to me, no matter what happens, and my feelings don't just fade because of what's happening with Croix.
[they're truly surprised at how quickly that comes. and as much as they don't want to respond with an immediate plea for self-pity, it's something else that they think chariot deserves to know. so they type it out, but it takes another moment.]
[maybe because these are the things hiding underneath what brought them together.]
I'm sorry, Chariot.
It's just been... easier, historically speaking, for people to find someone with less going on than me. Someone who can offer them more, or who asks for less.
I know it's difficult. I want to make sure you have time. It's a lot of information to process and I won't force you.
But I would feel a little uncomfortable coming over to make out with you more if she doesn't know about it.
[they sit there thinking through what they'd just said, and with the phone-dropping urgency know only to several breeds of anime protagonist, they hastily type out a correction.]
Um, that is. About us. Not specifically about what we do together.
[ Well that... certainly broke the tension. It was even enough that the idea of Levi coming over while Croix was living with her, something she still hadn't told Levi about, was glossed over entirely and now all she could really think about was... ]
Is that what's on your mind right now? I think we could both use a little stress relief.
[the tips of their ears go red hot. that is kind of the implication of what they said, isn't it.]
It isn't... not on my mind. But that might be because there's a lot of things happening very quickly right now and it isn't doing fantastic things for my anxiety. And being near you helps me calm down better than anything else around here has.
[ Certainly, she was doing it because she wanted the privacy her own apartment couldn't afford her, any longer, but it wasn't just being done to avoid the topic of Croix or the reality of her living with Chariot.
She also just... really wanted that privacy. ]
I can bring some wine, and we can relax together. However we like.
[they look around, and there's not much cleaning that actually needs to be done, which is merciful because they're both working with the same amount of space for the moment.]
You're going to be a bad influence on me, Chariot. Getting me to drink wine so regularly.
[it's while they're waiting for chariot to arrive that they receive a request that they hadn't been expecting. it's enough that when the woman they're waiting on does get there, it takes them a moment just to answer the door. (they're in as casual an outfit as they get, the ribbed black shirt and torn jeans, and they've configured their small apartment to look very similar to chariot's.) they're looking down at their phone when they open the door, and only look up after another moment to greet her with a smile.]
My Chariot, you must have the most incredible sense of timing in the world.
[ Chariot, for her part, chose to wear something... at least a little cuter. A nice, flowy, blouse, some leggings. The sort of thing she'd wear on a date if she ever went on any prior to Leviathan storming into her life like a literal lightning bolt. Not that she had any idea what she was doing, but it felt mostly right... Honestly, Croix had been buried in computer repair, so it wasn't like she could ask her. There were a lot more reasons she couldn't.
Either way, she took in a breath, her smile warming, adjusting her bag over her shoulder and just... ]
Is it good timing or just serendipity? Or maybe the stars...
[that was one of the magical things about chariot. she always looked amazing no matter what she was in. levi tended to stick with a lot of the same types and styles of clothing for various reasons, so seeing someone who could experiment so freely and come out looking beautiful every time was like a spectacular performance all its own. they stepped away from the door and ushered chariot in, closing it behind her.]
I just got notice that the Daitengu wants to meet with me personally—tomorrow. I don't know what it could be about. [despite the way that they approached the sentence, they could feel their heart taking the news a little more harshly. when they pulled themself against chariot into a tight hug, they knew she could likely feel it, too.]
[ She hadn't expected the immediate hug but... she didn't turn it away, either, letting herself melt into that embrace, her hair shifting as she did so, now that the door was closed behind her.
Things had been stressful... they both needed this. ]
I have. They're... an unusual person, to say the least, but our meeting was really pleasant. Honestly, all they wanted was apparently just to hear me go on and on about the stars...
[ She pulled back just enough to let her forehead rest against Levi's, still in that embrace. ]
[they said it softly because they didn't have the need to put on a mask. they didn't have to impress anyone. they just had their chariot in their arms, her red hair on display and making her look wonderful in her freedom.]
It would be a good thing, then, you think. [it eased their worries to say it out loud, even with their eyes closing again for just a little longer.] Maybe it's something about my own abilities. What... how did they help you with your magic?
Without me telling them, they figured out I drew most of my mana from the stars...
[ Which was impressive in its own right, given that was not orthodox magic where she came from, using the cosmos itself as a giant ley line for her own purposes. She had the Shiny Rod to thank for being able to do that at all, of course, but... ]
And just by talking through it with them, I realized some of my magic had returned...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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That put everything in perspective real fucking quick. So it was like that... ]
If I'd known I would have warned you. She's a total lightweight.
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I didn't actually say this to her, but I did think "my girlfriend thinks so, too". I think I just thanked her for the compliment.
But I've never been good at accepting them.
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[ Which wasn't completely true. She'd always been free with supporting words for Chariot up until things... weren't supportive any longer, but that was different. At least that's how she chose to think of it. ]
So long as she didn't go any further than compliment, I suppose it's fine but
[ ... yeah ]
This isn't really something I have any experience with.
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I didn't see anything beyond that in the way she was saying them, either.
I think she was just overcome with emotion.
Can I ask you what... might be difficult question, though?
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I trust you, so.
By all means.
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[this shouldn't be a surprise. the only thing that takes levi by surprise in the asking process is how insecure they sound as they think of the right words. they want to make sure that it's phrased the correct way. it takes a moment, a couple of rewrites.]
Would it hurt her to find out the way that you and I feel about each other?
[it still doesn't feel like they landed on the exact right words. but it's what they send.]
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another thing she should be upfront about but wasn't...And the worst part of it was... ]
I don't know.
I just don't know.
How deep her feelings run for me, after everything that's happened, is something I feel like I have no right to speculate on.
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[they don't want to think about that.]
It's okay if you don't know yet.
And... should anything happen to shed light on that...
I'm not going to make a claim to your heart, Chariot.
I'll respect any decision you make, if it comes to that.
[but they can do it, baby, they can do it.]
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Don't say that. Don't start putting yourself in that box already. You're important to me, no matter what happens, and my feelings don't just fade because of what's happening with Croix.
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[they're truly surprised at how quickly that comes. and as much as they don't want to respond with an immediate plea for self-pity, it's something else that they think chariot deserves to know. so they type it out, but it takes another moment.]
[maybe because these are the things hiding underneath what brought them together.]
I'm sorry, Chariot.
It's just been... easier, historically speaking, for people to find someone with less going on than me.
Someone who can offer them more, or who asks for less.
Being with me won't be easy.
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[ Because boy... it wasn't going to be. It already wasn't. And it was almost entirely all on Chariot's end, so seeing Levi say that, just... ]
But that doesn't change how I feel about you. Nothing does.
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I couldn't change what my heart feels, either.
[and, thinking that they've already asked one difficult question,]
Croix does know about us, right?
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I've been waiting for the right time.
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I know it's difficult. I want to make sure you have time.
It's a lot of information to process and I won't force you.
But I would feel a little uncomfortable coming over to make out with you more if she doesn't know about it.
[they sit there thinking through what they'd just said, and with the phone-dropping urgency know only to several breeds of anime protagonist, they hastily type out a correction.]
Um, that is. About us. Not specifically about what we do together.
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Is that what's on your mind right now? I think we could both use a little stress relief.
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It isn't... not on my mind.
But that might be because there's a lot of things happening very quickly right now and it isn't doing fantastic things for my anxiety.
And being near you helps me calm down better than anything else around here has.
Is it okay for me to come over?
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[ Certainly, she was doing it because she wanted the privacy her own apartment couldn't afford her, any longer, but it wasn't just being done to avoid the topic of Croix or the reality of her living with Chariot.
She also just... really wanted that privacy. ]
I can bring some wine, and we can relax together. However we like.
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Of course. Of course you can.
[they look around, and there's not much cleaning that actually needs to be done, which is merciful because they're both working with the same amount of space for the moment.]
You're going to be a bad influence on me, Chariot.
Getting me to drink wine so regularly.
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I'll be over soon.
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[it's while they're waiting for chariot to arrive that they receive a request that they hadn't been expecting. it's enough that when the woman they're waiting on does get there, it takes them a moment just to answer the door. (they're in as casual an outfit as they get, the ribbed black shirt and torn jeans, and they've configured their small apartment to look very similar to chariot's.) they're looking down at their phone when they open the door, and only look up after another moment to greet her with a smile.]
My Chariot, you must have the most incredible sense of timing in the world.
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There were a lot more reasons she couldn't.Either way, she took in a breath, her smile warming, adjusting her bag over her shoulder and just... ]
Is it good timing or just serendipity? Or maybe the stars...
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I just got notice that the Daitengu wants to meet with me personally—tomorrow. I don't know what it could be about. [despite the way that they approached the sentence, they could feel their heart taking the news a little more harshly. when they pulled themself against chariot into a tight hug, they knew she could likely feel it, too.]
Have you met with them about anything yet?
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Things had been stressful... they both needed this. ]
I have. They're... an unusual person, to say the least, but our meeting was really pleasant. Honestly, all they wanted was apparently just to hear me go on and on about the stars...
[ She pulled back just enough to let her forehead rest against Levi's, still in that embrace. ]
They helped me find my magic again..
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[they said it softly because they didn't have the need to put on a mask. they didn't have to impress anyone. they just had their chariot in their arms, her red hair on display and making her look wonderful in her freedom.]
It would be a good thing, then, you think. [it eased their worries to say it out loud, even with their eyes closing again for just a little longer.] Maybe it's something about my own abilities. What... how did they help you with your magic?
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[ Which was impressive in its own right, given that was not orthodox magic where she came from, using the cosmos itself as a giant ley line for her own purposes. She had the Shiny Rod to thank for being able to do that at all, of course, but... ]
And just by talking through it with them, I realized some of my magic had returned...
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