[ ... Well. This was a surprise. Not that Chariot expected Croix to keep it all to herself, but... Levi, specifically? It took her a moment to respond, but it was... difficult, to say the least, to even think of what to say. ]
For the pain that she put you through. For the pain you must still be going through.
I don't have the right to forgive her for anything, so I haven't. But I promised not to make anything worse for her as long as she promises not to hurt you like that ever again.
I have an idea of what she must of said, but I've my own cross to bear in this, Levi.
[ Croix, no doubt, would make it seem like only she was responsible. Just like with the internet cafe, where she tried, desperately, to put Chariot's heart at ease by blaming herself, despite the fact that no matter what theft Croix had planned, Chariot was still the one that had lost control of her magic...
She was doing it again. Making herself the villain so Chariot didn't need to confront her own mistakes, her own guilt... ]
I know that you must... I know that I only got one side of things. And I may not know Croix very well, but she seems like the kind of person to take a lot on her shoulders.
[whether it's for good reasons or bad ones, levi's not sure. there's not really a good reason for it, but what they're worried about is trying to make things seem worse to elicit even more sympathy. but they're not certain croix was doing that, either.]
But I still want you to know that I care about you where all of this is concerned. If it's not something you think I should involve myself with, you can tell me.
Well, it might be a little late, unfortunately. I've already told her that I'm going to be her friend.
I hope it doesn't strike you as too much of a surprise that I treated her much the same way I treated you. I know that people who have done awful things always have the choice to stop and make up for it, and she's making that choice exactly the way I once did. I would be the worst kind of hypocrite not to show her the same kindness I've shown you.
[ Yeah, that... even if it was the most likely outcome, she couldn't help but feel the relief, the warmth, of knowing Levi would be part of... whatever it was Croix needed. ]
Thank you. I can't show my gratitude enough, not just for the patience you've shown me, but her as well.
It was difficult at first. I'll be honest with you. I knew so little. But she gave me her word that she never intended to hurt you. And when she told me what she had done, she seemed... it's as you said. Wrecked. Ruined.
I may not have been there when the walls fell, but I'm part of both of your lives now, and I will help both of you rebuild. It's my promise to you as someone I care very much for. And I would do that whether you and I were an "us" or not.
[ Yeah, she didn't doubt it. That big heart, that empathy, was part of what she found so hopelessly endearing about Leviathan... What made it so easy to fall for her, among so many other little things.
She really ought to tell Croix about that "us', huh? ]
How are you feeling right now, all that aside? It must have been a heavy conversation.
[less heavy than it might seem. levi pushes the hair out of their face, and they smile while they type.]
We were disassembling toys for parts, and the Daitengu had left us some liquor. I thought it might ease the tension, but it turns out Croix is a little less adept at handling alcohol than you are. So after she confessed, and I hugged her, she told me that she thought I was very pretty.
I didn't actually say this to her, but I did think "my girlfriend thinks so, too". I think I just thanked her for the compliment. But I've never been good at accepting them.
[ Which wasn't completely true. She'd always been free with supporting words for Chariot up until things... weren't supportive any longer, but that was different. At least that's how she chose to think of it. ]
So long as she didn't go any further than compliment, I suppose it's fine but
[ ... yeah ]
This isn't really something I have any experience with.
[ Almost immediately, a small flinch of panic surges through her. Levi would even notice that she'd started typing, and it was erased, though all that had been was a slip of her thumb. It does take a moment for her to respond, though. ]
[this shouldn't be a surprise. the only thing that takes levi by surprise in the asking process is how insecure they sound as they think of the right words. they want to make sure that it's phrased the correct way. it takes a moment, a couple of rewrites.]
Would it hurt her to find out the way that you and I feel about each other?
[it still doesn't feel like they landed on the exact right words. but it's what they send.]
[ She'd expected a lot of things, not the least of which was to be confronted so bluntly by the very thought she'd had earlier. And why wouldn't she be? It was important. Croix was Going Through It, and also living with Chariot, another thing she should be upfront about but wasn't...
And the worst part of it was... ]
I don't know.
I just don't know.
How deep her feelings run for me, after everything that's happened, is something I feel like I have no right to speculate on.
[they see. they understand. croix has only just arrived here, and there's a timeline difference, and there's a lot of emotional baggage to unpack. and leviathan is, ultimately, an unknown. they've shared personal things with chariot, yes, but it's moved quickly. they would understand if...]
[they don't want to think about that.]
It's okay if you don't know yet. And... should anything happen to shed light on that... I'm not going to make a claim to your heart, Chariot. I'll respect any decision you make, if it comes to that.
[ Her next response came... way more immediately than she thought it would. ]
Don't say that. Don't start putting yourself in that box already. You're important to me, no matter what happens, and my feelings don't just fade because of what's happening with Croix.
[they're truly surprised at how quickly that comes. and as much as they don't want to respond with an immediate plea for self-pity, it's something else that they think chariot deserves to know. so they type it out, but it takes another moment.]
[maybe because these are the things hiding underneath what brought them together.]
I'm sorry, Chariot.
It's just been... easier, historically speaking, for people to find someone with less going on than me. Someone who can offer them more, or who asks for less.
I know it's difficult. I want to make sure you have time. It's a lot of information to process and I won't force you.
But I would feel a little uncomfortable coming over to make out with you more if she doesn't know about it.
[they sit there thinking through what they'd just said, and with the phone-dropping urgency know only to several breeds of anime protagonist, they hastily type out a correction.]
Um, that is. About us. Not specifically about what we do together.
[ Well that... certainly broke the tension. It was even enough that the idea of Levi coming over while Croix was living with her, something she still hadn't told Levi about, was glossed over entirely and now all she could really think about was... ]
Is that what's on your mind right now? I think we could both use a little stress relief.
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Why are you sorry?
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For the pain you must still be going through.
I don't have the right to forgive her for anything, so I haven't. But I promised not to make anything worse for her as long as she promises not to hurt you like that ever again.
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I have an idea of what she must of said, but I've my own cross to bear in this, Levi.
[ Croix, no doubt, would make it seem like only she was responsible. Just like with the internet cafe, where she tried, desperately, to put Chariot's heart at ease by blaming herself, despite the fact that no matter what theft Croix had planned, Chariot was still the one that had lost control of her magic...
She was doing it again. Making herself the villain so Chariot didn't need to confront her own mistakes, her own guilt... ]
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And I may not know Croix very well, but she seems like the kind of person to take a lot on her shoulders.
[whether it's for good reasons or bad ones, levi's not sure. there's not really a good reason for it, but what they're worried about is trying to make things seem worse to elicit even more sympathy. but they're not certain croix was doing that, either.]
But I still want you to know that I care about you where all of this is concerned.
If it's not something you think I should involve myself with, you can tell me.
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Prior to arriving here, she reached her lowest point, and I think it just.
wrecked her.
Right now, we're both witnessing a Croix Meridies that's trying to rebuild herself. That's trying to put back together what's broken.
And while my esteem may be what she wants most, it isn't the only thing she needs. She needs friends, a support network, to help her.
[ That was what reform was, after all. ]
Levi, I can't ask you to be part of this.
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I hope it doesn't strike you as too much of a surprise that I treated her much the same way I treated you.
I know that people who have done awful things always have the choice to stop and make up for it, and she's making that choice exactly the way I once did.
I would be the worst kind of hypocrite not to show her the same kindness I've shown you.
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Thank you. I can't show my gratitude enough, not just for the patience you've shown me, but her as well.
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It was difficult at first. I'll be honest with you.
I knew so little. But she gave me her word that she never intended to hurt you.
And when she told me what she had done, she seemed... it's as you said.
Wrecked. Ruined.
I may not have been there when the walls fell, but I'm part of both of your lives now, and I will help both of you rebuild.
It's my promise to you as someone I care very much for.
And I would do that whether you and I were an "us" or not.
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She really ought to tell Croix about that "us', huh?]How are you feeling right now, all that aside? It must have been a heavy conversation.
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[less heavy than it might seem. levi pushes the hair out of their face, and they smile while they type.]
We were disassembling toys for parts, and the Daitengu had left us some liquor.
I thought it might ease the tension, but it turns out Croix is a little less adept at handling alcohol than you are.
So after she confessed, and I hugged her, she told me that she thought I was very pretty.
I didn't really know what to say to that.
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That put everything in perspective real fucking quick. So it was like that... ]
If I'd known I would have warned you. She's a total lightweight.
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I didn't actually say this to her, but I did think "my girlfriend thinks so, too". I think I just thanked her for the compliment.
But I've never been good at accepting them.
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[ Which wasn't completely true. She'd always been free with supporting words for Chariot up until things... weren't supportive any longer, but that was different. At least that's how she chose to think of it. ]
So long as she didn't go any further than compliment, I suppose it's fine but
[ ... yeah ]
This isn't really something I have any experience with.
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I didn't see anything beyond that in the way she was saying them, either.
I think she was just overcome with emotion.
Can I ask you what... might be difficult question, though?
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I trust you, so.
By all means.
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[this shouldn't be a surprise. the only thing that takes levi by surprise in the asking process is how insecure they sound as they think of the right words. they want to make sure that it's phrased the correct way. it takes a moment, a couple of rewrites.]
Would it hurt her to find out the way that you and I feel about each other?
[it still doesn't feel like they landed on the exact right words. but it's what they send.]
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another thing she should be upfront about but wasn't...And the worst part of it was... ]
I don't know.
I just don't know.
How deep her feelings run for me, after everything that's happened, is something I feel like I have no right to speculate on.
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[they don't want to think about that.]
It's okay if you don't know yet.
And... should anything happen to shed light on that...
I'm not going to make a claim to your heart, Chariot.
I'll respect any decision you make, if it comes to that.
[but they can do it, baby, they can do it.]
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Don't say that. Don't start putting yourself in that box already. You're important to me, no matter what happens, and my feelings don't just fade because of what's happening with Croix.
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[they're truly surprised at how quickly that comes. and as much as they don't want to respond with an immediate plea for self-pity, it's something else that they think chariot deserves to know. so they type it out, but it takes another moment.]
[maybe because these are the things hiding underneath what brought them together.]
I'm sorry, Chariot.
It's just been... easier, historically speaking, for people to find someone with less going on than me.
Someone who can offer them more, or who asks for less.
Being with me won't be easy.
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[ Because boy... it wasn't going to be. It already wasn't. And it was almost entirely all on Chariot's end, so seeing Levi say that, just... ]
But that doesn't change how I feel about you. Nothing does.
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I couldn't change what my heart feels, either.
[and, thinking that they've already asked one difficult question,]
Croix does know about us, right?
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I've been waiting for the right time.
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I know it's difficult. I want to make sure you have time.
It's a lot of information to process and I won't force you.
But I would feel a little uncomfortable coming over to make out with you more if she doesn't know about it.
[they sit there thinking through what they'd just said, and with the phone-dropping urgency know only to several breeds of anime protagonist, they hastily type out a correction.]
Um, that is. About us. Not specifically about what we do together.
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Is that what's on your mind right now? I think we could both use a little stress relief.
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