[ Yeah, that... even if it was the most likely outcome, she couldn't help but feel the relief, the warmth, of knowing Levi would be part of... whatever it was Croix needed. ]
Thank you. I can't show my gratitude enough, not just for the patience you've shown me, but her as well.
It was difficult at first. I'll be honest with you. I knew so little. But she gave me her word that she never intended to hurt you. And when she told me what she had done, she seemed... it's as you said. Wrecked. Ruined.
I may not have been there when the walls fell, but I'm part of both of your lives now, and I will help both of you rebuild. It's my promise to you as someone I care very much for. And I would do that whether you and I were an "us" or not.
[ Yeah, she didn't doubt it. That big heart, that empathy, was part of what she found so hopelessly endearing about Leviathan... What made it so easy to fall for her, among so many other little things.
She really ought to tell Croix about that "us', huh? ]
How are you feeling right now, all that aside? It must have been a heavy conversation.
[less heavy than it might seem. levi pushes the hair out of their face, and they smile while they type.]
We were disassembling toys for parts, and the Daitengu had left us some liquor. I thought it might ease the tension, but it turns out Croix is a little less adept at handling alcohol than you are. So after she confessed, and I hugged her, she told me that she thought I was very pretty.
I didn't actually say this to her, but I did think "my girlfriend thinks so, too". I think I just thanked her for the compliment. But I've never been good at accepting them.
[ Which wasn't completely true. She'd always been free with supporting words for Chariot up until things... weren't supportive any longer, but that was different. At least that's how she chose to think of it. ]
So long as she didn't go any further than compliment, I suppose it's fine but
[ ... yeah ]
This isn't really something I have any experience with.
[ Almost immediately, a small flinch of panic surges through her. Levi would even notice that she'd started typing, and it was erased, though all that had been was a slip of her thumb. It does take a moment for her to respond, though. ]
[this shouldn't be a surprise. the only thing that takes levi by surprise in the asking process is how insecure they sound as they think of the right words. they want to make sure that it's phrased the correct way. it takes a moment, a couple of rewrites.]
Would it hurt her to find out the way that you and I feel about each other?
[it still doesn't feel like they landed on the exact right words. but it's what they send.]
[ She'd expected a lot of things, not the least of which was to be confronted so bluntly by the very thought she'd had earlier. And why wouldn't she be? It was important. Croix was Going Through It, and also living with Chariot, another thing she should be upfront about but wasn't...
And the worst part of it was... ]
I don't know.
I just don't know.
How deep her feelings run for me, after everything that's happened, is something I feel like I have no right to speculate on.
[they see. they understand. croix has only just arrived here, and there's a timeline difference, and there's a lot of emotional baggage to unpack. and leviathan is, ultimately, an unknown. they've shared personal things with chariot, yes, but it's moved quickly. they would understand if...]
[they don't want to think about that.]
It's okay if you don't know yet. And... should anything happen to shed light on that... I'm not going to make a claim to your heart, Chariot. I'll respect any decision you make, if it comes to that.
[ Her next response came... way more immediately than she thought it would. ]
Don't say that. Don't start putting yourself in that box already. You're important to me, no matter what happens, and my feelings don't just fade because of what's happening with Croix.
[they're truly surprised at how quickly that comes. and as much as they don't want to respond with an immediate plea for self-pity, it's something else that they think chariot deserves to know. so they type it out, but it takes another moment.]
[maybe because these are the things hiding underneath what brought them together.]
I'm sorry, Chariot.
It's just been... easier, historically speaking, for people to find someone with less going on than me. Someone who can offer them more, or who asks for less.
I know it's difficult. I want to make sure you have time. It's a lot of information to process and I won't force you.
But I would feel a little uncomfortable coming over to make out with you more if she doesn't know about it.
[they sit there thinking through what they'd just said, and with the phone-dropping urgency know only to several breeds of anime protagonist, they hastily type out a correction.]
Um, that is. About us. Not specifically about what we do together.
[ Well that... certainly broke the tension. It was even enough that the idea of Levi coming over while Croix was living with her, something she still hadn't told Levi about, was glossed over entirely and now all she could really think about was... ]
Is that what's on your mind right now? I think we could both use a little stress relief.
[the tips of their ears go red hot. that is kind of the implication of what they said, isn't it.]
It isn't... not on my mind. But that might be because there's a lot of things happening very quickly right now and it isn't doing fantastic things for my anxiety. And being near you helps me calm down better than anything else around here has.
[ Certainly, she was doing it because she wanted the privacy her own apartment couldn't afford her, any longer, but it wasn't just being done to avoid the topic of Croix or the reality of her living with Chariot.
She also just... really wanted that privacy. ]
I can bring some wine, and we can relax together. However we like.
[they look around, and there's not much cleaning that actually needs to be done, which is merciful because they're both working with the same amount of space for the moment.]
You're going to be a bad influence on me, Chariot. Getting me to drink wine so regularly.
[it's while they're waiting for chariot to arrive that they receive a request that they hadn't been expecting. it's enough that when the woman they're waiting on does get there, it takes them a moment just to answer the door. (they're in as casual an outfit as they get, the ribbed black shirt and torn jeans, and they've configured their small apartment to look very similar to chariot's.) they're looking down at their phone when they open the door, and only look up after another moment to greet her with a smile.]
My Chariot, you must have the most incredible sense of timing in the world.
[ Chariot, for her part, chose to wear something... at least a little cuter. A nice, flowy, blouse, some leggings. The sort of thing she'd wear on a date if she ever went on any prior to Leviathan storming into her life like a literal lightning bolt. Not that she had any idea what she was doing, but it felt mostly right... Honestly, Croix had been buried in computer repair, so it wasn't like she could ask her. There were a lot more reasons she couldn't.
Either way, she took in a breath, her smile warming, adjusting her bag over her shoulder and just... ]
Is it good timing or just serendipity? Or maybe the stars...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Thank you. I can't show my gratitude enough, not just for the patience you've shown me, but her as well.
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It was difficult at first. I'll be honest with you.
I knew so little. But she gave me her word that she never intended to hurt you.
And when she told me what she had done, she seemed... it's as you said.
Wrecked. Ruined.
I may not have been there when the walls fell, but I'm part of both of your lives now, and I will help both of you rebuild.
It's my promise to you as someone I care very much for.
And I would do that whether you and I were an "us" or not.
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She really ought to tell Croix about that "us', huh?]How are you feeling right now, all that aside? It must have been a heavy conversation.
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[less heavy than it might seem. levi pushes the hair out of their face, and they smile while they type.]
We were disassembling toys for parts, and the Daitengu had left us some liquor.
I thought it might ease the tension, but it turns out Croix is a little less adept at handling alcohol than you are.
So after she confessed, and I hugged her, she told me that she thought I was very pretty.
I didn't really know what to say to that.
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That put everything in perspective real fucking quick. So it was like that... ]
If I'd known I would have warned you. She's a total lightweight.
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I didn't actually say this to her, but I did think "my girlfriend thinks so, too". I think I just thanked her for the compliment.
But I've never been good at accepting them.
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[ Which wasn't completely true. She'd always been free with supporting words for Chariot up until things... weren't supportive any longer, but that was different. At least that's how she chose to think of it. ]
So long as she didn't go any further than compliment, I suppose it's fine but
[ ... yeah ]
This isn't really something I have any experience with.
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I didn't see anything beyond that in the way she was saying them, either.
I think she was just overcome with emotion.
Can I ask you what... might be difficult question, though?
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I trust you, so.
By all means.
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[this shouldn't be a surprise. the only thing that takes levi by surprise in the asking process is how insecure they sound as they think of the right words. they want to make sure that it's phrased the correct way. it takes a moment, a couple of rewrites.]
Would it hurt her to find out the way that you and I feel about each other?
[it still doesn't feel like they landed on the exact right words. but it's what they send.]
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another thing she should be upfront about but wasn't...And the worst part of it was... ]
I don't know.
I just don't know.
How deep her feelings run for me, after everything that's happened, is something I feel like I have no right to speculate on.
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[they don't want to think about that.]
It's okay if you don't know yet.
And... should anything happen to shed light on that...
I'm not going to make a claim to your heart, Chariot.
I'll respect any decision you make, if it comes to that.
[but they can do it, baby, they can do it.]
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Don't say that. Don't start putting yourself in that box already. You're important to me, no matter what happens, and my feelings don't just fade because of what's happening with Croix.
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[they're truly surprised at how quickly that comes. and as much as they don't want to respond with an immediate plea for self-pity, it's something else that they think chariot deserves to know. so they type it out, but it takes another moment.]
[maybe because these are the things hiding underneath what brought them together.]
I'm sorry, Chariot.
It's just been... easier, historically speaking, for people to find someone with less going on than me.
Someone who can offer them more, or who asks for less.
Being with me won't be easy.
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[ Because boy... it wasn't going to be. It already wasn't. And it was almost entirely all on Chariot's end, so seeing Levi say that, just... ]
But that doesn't change how I feel about you. Nothing does.
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I couldn't change what my heart feels, either.
[and, thinking that they've already asked one difficult question,]
Croix does know about us, right?
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I've been waiting for the right time.
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I know it's difficult. I want to make sure you have time.
It's a lot of information to process and I won't force you.
But I would feel a little uncomfortable coming over to make out with you more if she doesn't know about it.
[they sit there thinking through what they'd just said, and with the phone-dropping urgency know only to several breeds of anime protagonist, they hastily type out a correction.]
Um, that is. About us. Not specifically about what we do together.
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Is that what's on your mind right now? I think we could both use a little stress relief.
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It isn't... not on my mind.
But that might be because there's a lot of things happening very quickly right now and it isn't doing fantastic things for my anxiety.
And being near you helps me calm down better than anything else around here has.
Is it okay for me to come over?
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[ Certainly, she was doing it because she wanted the privacy her own apartment couldn't afford her, any longer, but it wasn't just being done to avoid the topic of Croix or the reality of her living with Chariot.
She also just... really wanted that privacy. ]
I can bring some wine, and we can relax together. However we like.
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Of course. Of course you can.
[they look around, and there's not much cleaning that actually needs to be done, which is merciful because they're both working with the same amount of space for the moment.]
You're going to be a bad influence on me, Chariot.
Getting me to drink wine so regularly.
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I'll be over soon.
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[it's while they're waiting for chariot to arrive that they receive a request that they hadn't been expecting. it's enough that when the woman they're waiting on does get there, it takes them a moment just to answer the door. (they're in as casual an outfit as they get, the ribbed black shirt and torn jeans, and they've configured their small apartment to look very similar to chariot's.) they're looking down at their phone when they open the door, and only look up after another moment to greet her with a smile.]
My Chariot, you must have the most incredible sense of timing in the world.
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There were a lot more reasons she couldn't.Either way, she took in a breath, her smile warming, adjusting her bag over her shoulder and just... ]
Is it good timing or just serendipity? Or maybe the stars...
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