What you need... [ There was no sense in dancing around it. Sedatives were a stop-gap. Cozying up to someone after a couple of cups of spiced wine wouldn't hold back those instincts forever. The only thing that would work was... ]
[The way her shoulders tensed up was almost audible, the grumble the Chimera made definitely so.]
...mn.
[While she was quiet, her tail swished in agitation.]
There's nothing else?
[She hadn't minded the contact. Being close to someone, even though they were a stranger. Ursula had been kind to her when she didn't expect it, and to her inebriated mind that was all she needed.
... Where are you right now? I want to have this conversation in person.
[ The devices were too impersonal, too much like a phone. Kaede was reaching out to her because, and Ursula could tell, in some way, she trusted her. She had some faith in Ursula's knowledge and empathy, built over a night simply enjoying the other's comfort and company. That trust couldn't be sent over a phone line alone. ]
[Kaede hesitated. Should she tell her? The more people who knew where Kaede lived, the less quiet her life would be.
...but. It wasn't like Kaede lived somewhere subtle. And...besides. There were at least three rather unpleasant things in the house for trespassers to encounter.
The Chimera sighed through her nose.]
Outside one of the big mansions that looks haunted. In the garden. The part that isn't taken care of.
[The grounds were walled in, though not all of its iron gates were locked. She wasn't sure if one in particular could lock, and it was the one Kaede used most.]
[The Chimera mumbled an affirmative, and then went quiet again.
The mansion's property was walled, but not all the gates were locked. One, a smaller, less decorated one off to the side, didn't seem to lock at all. Kaede had come in through that one initially and had never bothered to fix it or comment on it.
The grass beyond it had mostly been left to grow wild and jagged with weeds, but a few paths had been tracked here and there. One, the newest, had freshly trampled leaves and the occasional strand of downy reddish feather caught in a spindly stem.
The ground was clearest around a gnarled tree tucked near the wall--and there were long scratch marks clawed into the bark, some old and most new.
And, at the end of the breadcrumb trail, was Kaede--lounging in the lower branches like some brightly colored leopard. Despite the appearance of ease, her tail was in constant, agitated motion, swishing about in the empty air beneath the branch.]
[ It was a fittingly gloomy place for Kaede, she imagined. Even when Kaede was being insistently affectionate, Ursula could tell this was the sort of disposition she had most of the time, and she wasn't surprised to see her tail swishing about like that either. She leaned against the tree, looking up at the girl and adjusting her glasses, no judgement in her eyes. ]
I'm happy you let me in so close... I have a feeling you wouldn't give this privilege to a lot of people.
[She heard Ursula before she saw her, footsteps that shouldn't be there crunching through the grass. Kaede's gaze snapped around to focus on the Witch, and hadn't looked away the entire time. She'd barely blinked.
...but she did now. She wasn't...used to people being happy about her existence. It made her want to glance away.]
...mn. Not really.
[The Chimera could see Ursula, smell her, hear her--about the only thing she couldn't do was touch. Her long arms were folded under her chin or laying along the branch with claws embedded into the tree bark--deliberately. It would take a moment's effort to pull loose and move.]
I am afraid. [ Ursula didn't see any reason to hide it. ]
I'm afraid of what will happen to you if you don't get help. I'm afraid of what might happen to me if you lose more of your humanity. Of course I'm afraid.
But... I'm still here. I'm not going to run away when you're in need. I'd make a really poor friend, otherwise.
[Another few blinks. She expected a denial, and then to bring up that there were at least four places Ursula passed by that Kaede could have hidden and pounced from.
Her tail slowed, just twitching and curling on itself at the tip instead of lashing like a feathered pendulum.
Kaede even forgot to protest losing her humanity as if she'd had any to begin with.]
Friend?
[She wasn't disparaging Ursula for saying that, not with Kaede's voice so bewildered. The word seemed so...alien to say. Unfamiliar and clunky. She'd known Ursula only briefly, and yet...
She'd only known Aiko briefly, too. Even Kouta, when they'd first met as children.
[ Ursula hadn't expected Kaede to get hung up on that word, but she also figured it wasn't that surprising, either. The girl seemed... troubled. To say the least. But Ursula offered a smile, despite that, nodding her head. ]
I should hope so. You don't usually spend that much time in a pleasant snuggle with someone and not eventually think of them as a friend. We started as strangers, but you opened yourself to me, and I'm not going to take that for granted.
So yes. I'd like to think we're friends. But if you'd prefer we not, I won't press it, either. But... you did contact me.
[Kaede muttered to herself, breaking her unwavering stare to glance at some unimportant vines climbing over the wall.]
Don't think I'm the best person to ask about that definition.
[Maybe they were friends. Maybe it was too early to say such things. Maybe every relationship Kaede had ever known was just premature and stunted.
But Kaede's attention didn't stay diverted for long. Ursula was still there--hadn't budged, in fact--and the instincts growling at the back of Kaede's mind wouldn't let her forget the Witch's presence, abstract ponderings or not. It made her skin prickle, knowing, feeling the Witch so close by and knowing that she couldn't--shouldn't touch. The pulse of the Moons had been driving Kaede to unfocused distraction before--they still were, but with something else to focus her attention on, that maddening drumbeat wasn't so overt.
Her gaze locked back onto the Witch, and her claws dug further into the branch.]
[ Ursula's smile faded some, taking in a deep breath. ]
Well. You really only have one option; forming a bond. [ And as affectionate as Kaede had been at the festival, she knew that was still a heavy leap for anyone to take. It had been for her, after all. ]
[ Which lead her to her next point... of how she specifically could help. And it felt like a hell of a branch to extend, knowing full well the implications of it, what it would mean for both of them, and for Fang as well. But she couldn't sit by and do nothing while there was something, anything that could be done in her power to ease Kaede's suffering... ]
Do you trust me? At the festival, you did... but do you still?
[Kaede's mouth was still open to say something, but no other words came. She closed it after a moment, and her tail began to twitch again.
When she did speak again, it was more of a narration of her own thoughts, trying to piece her own thoughts together as much as answer Ursula. That...it was a lot to consider. A substantial part of her mind was screaming no, this is a bad idea. The part of her mind that had kept her safe all these years.
...the part of her mind that had kept her isolated, all these years. Once, Kaede would have almost tolerated that.
But now that she knew what kindness was like, what people could be like, she...she missed it. Missed the contact, missed people calling her name without fear or pity in their voice.]
...you still haven't attacked me. [Not even in self defense, or...any defense, really. Ursula had just walked right in, even knowing a volatile Monster was at the end. Kaede wouldn't forget that.] You answered me. And you're still...here.
And I'll still be here... unless you send me away. [ Ursula stepped closer to the branch Kaede was on, slowly, gingerly, extending her hand upwards to her. ]
I know you don't want to hurt anyone... but you don't want to be alone anymore, either, do you? I can't promise this will be easy... we have a lot to learn about each other. But I know I'm willing to give it a try.
Any point you want to walk away... I won't even question it. But my hand is here for you to take. It always will be.
[The longer it had been since her last dose of sedative medicine, the more difficult words became. When Ursula extended her hand, the branch creaked as Kaede tried to yank her claws out of the bark to seize it without meaning to and without thought--a mindless animal motion. She could feel Ursula's magic now that the other woman was so close, a tingling hum in the air that inflamed all her senses at once like a desperately parched person hearing water.
Like someone who'd heard a promise, and clutched at it with the ferocity of the drowning. Was it true? Did it matter?
Kaede didn't want to be alone anymore.
The Chimera finally tore her claws free of the branch and reached down to grab Ursula's hand, her grasp tight. Then it was followed by her other hand, then the rest of her, sliding off of the branch to the ground. She needed to be closer. She needed more contact, more energy, more companionship where there hadn't been any in too long. And now Kaede had learned to miss it.]
[ Ursula was quick to pull Kaede into her arms, wrapping about her and letting her press as closely and tightly as she wished. It felt like she'd smashed open a faucet and all of Kaede's need for closeness was pouring out at once, barely able to be contained. As far as she was concerned, that was fine. She could handle a fragile heart... ]
There there... it's okay... I've got you. I'll hold you for as long as you need me to.
[The first time Kaede's fingertips brushed Ursula's arm feeling jolted through her, energy surging through her skin like feeling returning to numbed limbs.
Kaede had been weak again. Weak and pathetic and desperate and someone saw her, but she couldn't stop curling her fingers in the back of Ursula's shirt and hair, pressing herself against the Witch as much as possible. She was...only doing this because she needed to, she told herself. It was necessary to keep her from going mad, by whatever held this world together.
But it wasn't just that. What Ursula had said had dredged up more visceral reactions that wouldn't be explained away so shallowly. She hated people. She missed people. She hated being touched, and craved human contact all at once.
Ursula wasn't chastising her weakness or pushing her away. She was still just as calm and patient as before.
Kaede could still be in danger. Ursula could still be planning something, and the longer the Chimera spent here--clearing her thoughts, drawing the Witch's excess magic into herself--the more she heard the growling anger lurking in her mind, the thing keeping her from rest.
It's a secret, then... If anyone asks about the bond, they don't have to know about this, about tonight... [ Ursula could easily keep this to herself, about Kaede's moment of weakness. She didn't really consider it weakness, herself, but she knew there was a long road to walk with regards to Kaede's conflict between her apprehension and her need for comfort. And she had the patience to walk it with her. ]
Though... maybe it's presumptuous of me to assume you're agreeing to a bond just because of this. So I'll ask outright... Will you be bonded to me, Kaede?
[Kaede sighed through her nose, some of the tension relaxing out of her shoulders. It was a small thing, in the scope of things. But it was important to her.
Which led to the next thing. The Bond question, again.
The Chimera stilled, and didn't answer for several long moments. She drew in a breath, and let it go again.]
...yes. I'll do it.
[She ought to. She needed to, or the growling voice would overtake her mind--if not this Moonrise, then surely the next. And as wary as Kaede was of tying her fractured, stunted soul to another person, she feared losing herself and all that she was to a Voice more.]
How soon would you prefer? I'm not aiming to rush you into anything. We can take all the time you need. [ Ursula raised a hand to gently pet the back of her neck, taking care to keep her touch as tender as she could manage. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Are you worried you'll hurt someone?
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[The mazes last month helped. They kept her away from people, for the most part, while working out most of the energy in her mind and limbs.
Now they weren't here--there was all the space beyond the Wall, but...she'd need to get across the city first. A city full of potential targets.]
I'm staying away from people.
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...is a bond, Kaede.
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...mn.
[While she was quiet, her tail swished in agitation.]
There's nothing else?
[She hadn't minded the contact. Being close to someone, even though they were a stranger. Ursula had been kind to her when she didn't expect it, and to her inebriated mind that was all she needed.
But Kaede's mind wouldn't relax that way now.]
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[ The devices were too impersonal, too much like a phone. Kaede was reaching out to her because, and Ursula could tell, in some way, she trusted her. She had some faith in Ursula's knowledge and empathy, built over a night simply enjoying the other's comfort and company. That trust couldn't be sent over a phone line alone. ]
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...but. It wasn't like Kaede lived somewhere subtle. And...besides. There were at least three rather unpleasant things in the house for trespassers to encounter.
The Chimera sighed through her nose.]
Outside one of the big mansions that looks haunted. In the garden. The part that isn't taken care of.
[The grounds were walled in, though not all of its iron gates were locked. She wasn't sure if one in particular could lock, and it was the one Kaede used most.]
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Wait for me, okay? I'll be along in a moment.
-> Action
The mansion's property was walled, but not all the gates were locked. One, a smaller, less decorated one off to the side, didn't seem to lock at all. Kaede had come in through that one initially and had never bothered to fix it or comment on it.
The grass beyond it had mostly been left to grow wild and jagged with weeds, but a few paths had been tracked here and there. One, the newest, had freshly trampled leaves and the occasional strand of downy reddish feather caught in a spindly stem.
The ground was clearest around a gnarled tree tucked near the wall--and there were long scratch marks clawed into the bark, some old and most new.
And, at the end of the breadcrumb trail, was Kaede--lounging in the lower branches like some brightly colored leopard. Despite the appearance of ease, her tail was in constant, agitated motion, swishing about in the empty air beneath the branch.]
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I'm happy you let me in so close... I have a feeling you wouldn't give this privilege to a lot of people.
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...but she did now. She wasn't...used to people being happy about her existence. It made her want to glance away.]
...mn. Not really.
[The Chimera could see Ursula, smell her, hear her--about the only thing she couldn't do was touch. Her long arms were folded under her chin or laying along the branch with claws embedded into the tree bark--deliberately. It would take a moment's effort to pull loose and move.]
You aren't afraid?
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I'm afraid of what will happen to you if you don't get help. I'm afraid of what might happen to me if you lose more of your humanity. Of course I'm afraid.
But... I'm still here. I'm not going to run away when you're in need. I'd make a really poor friend, otherwise.
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Her tail slowed, just twitching and curling on itself at the tip instead of lashing like a feathered pendulum.
Kaede even forgot to protest losing her humanity as if she'd had any to begin with.]
Friend?
[She wasn't disparaging Ursula for saying that, not with Kaede's voice so bewildered. The word seemed so...alien to say. Unfamiliar and clunky. She'd known Ursula only briefly, and yet...
She'd only known Aiko briefly, too. Even Kouta, when they'd first met as children.
Did that make them friends?]
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I should hope so. You don't usually spend that much time in a pleasant snuggle with someone and not eventually think of them as a friend. We started as strangers, but you opened yourself to me, and I'm not going to take that for granted.
So yes. I'd like to think we're friends. But if you'd prefer we not, I won't press it, either. But... you did contact me.
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Don't think I'm the best person to ask about that definition.
[Maybe they were friends. Maybe it was too early to say such things. Maybe every relationship Kaede had ever known was just premature and stunted.
But Kaede's attention didn't stay diverted for long. Ursula was still there--hadn't budged, in fact--and the instincts growling at the back of Kaede's mind wouldn't let her forget the Witch's presence, abstract ponderings or not. It made her skin prickle, knowing, feeling the Witch so close by and knowing that she couldn't--shouldn't touch. The pulse of the Moons had been driving Kaede to unfocused distraction before--they still were, but with something else to focus her attention on, that maddening drumbeat wasn't so overt.
Her gaze locked back onto the Witch, and her claws dug further into the branch.]
What do you think you can do, then?
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Well. You really only have one option; forming a bond. [ And as affectionate as Kaede had been at the festival, she knew that was still a heavy leap for anyone to take. It had been for her, after all. ]
Is there any witch you trust enough for that?
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...no.
[Well, she could trust Maria to kill her if things got worse. But that wasn't what Ursula had asked.]
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Do you trust me? At the festival, you did... but do you still?
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[Kaede's mouth was still open to say something, but no other words came. She closed it after a moment, and her tail began to twitch again.
When she did speak again, it was more of a narration of her own thoughts, trying to piece her own thoughts together as much as answer Ursula. That...it was a lot to consider. A substantial part of her mind was screaming no, this is a bad idea. The part of her mind that had kept her safe all these years.
...the part of her mind that had kept her isolated, all these years. Once, Kaede would have almost tolerated that.
But now that she knew what kindness was like, what people could be like, she...she missed it. Missed the contact, missed people calling her name without fear or pity in their voice.]
...you still haven't attacked me. [Not even in self defense, or...any defense, really. Ursula had just walked right in, even knowing a volatile Monster was at the end. Kaede wouldn't forget that.] You answered me. And you're still...here.
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I know you don't want to hurt anyone... but you don't want to be alone anymore, either, do you? I can't promise this will be easy... we have a lot to learn about each other. But I know I'm willing to give it a try.
Any point you want to walk away... I won't even question it. But my hand is here for you to take. It always will be.
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Like someone who'd heard a promise, and clutched at it with the ferocity of the drowning. Was it true? Did it matter?
Kaede didn't want to be alone anymore.
The Chimera finally tore her claws free of the branch and reached down to grab Ursula's hand, her grasp tight. Then it was followed by her other hand, then the rest of her, sliding off of the branch to the ground. She needed to be closer. She needed more contact, more energy, more companionship where there hadn't been any in too long. And now Kaede had learned to miss it.]
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There there... it's okay... I've got you. I'll hold you for as long as you need me to.
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Kaede had been weak again. Weak and pathetic and desperate and someone saw her, but she couldn't stop curling her fingers in the back of Ursula's shirt and hair, pressing herself against the Witch as much as possible. She was...only doing this because she needed to, she told herself. It was necessary to keep her from going mad, by whatever held this world together.
But it wasn't just that. What Ursula had said had dredged up more visceral reactions that wouldn't be explained away so shallowly. She hated people. She missed people. She hated being touched, and craved human contact all at once.
Ursula wasn't chastising her weakness or pushing her away. She was still just as calm and patient as before.
Kaede could still be in danger. Ursula could still be planning something, and the longer the Chimera spent here--clearing her thoughts, drawing the Witch's excess magic into herself--the more she heard the growling anger lurking in her mind, the thing keeping her from rest.
But she didn't want to let go.]
...don't...tell anyone.
no subject
Though... maybe it's presumptuous of me to assume you're agreeing to a bond just because of this. So I'll ask outright... Will you be bonded to me, Kaede?
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Which led to the next thing. The Bond question, again.
The Chimera stilled, and didn't answer for several long moments. She drew in a breath, and let it go again.]
...yes. I'll do it.
[She ought to. She needed to, or the growling voice would overtake her mind--if not this Moonrise, then surely the next. And as wary as Kaede was of tying her fractured, stunted soul to another person, she feared losing herself and all that she was to a Voice more.]
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